points to ponder...
death... its a heavy word...just read an entry about the point of view of death while blog-hopping...
hm... made me think quite abit...
i think i'm really not afraid to die... and in fact, i'm looking forward to it...
i don't really care whether i die painfully or peacefully... most importantly, dun let me be a burden and bother others....
do i look like a pessimist? haha... that's me behind the Mask tat i constantly wear...
i think i've absolutely no contribution to this world.... nor to my friends...
some of the advices that i gave to my friends... as i think back... i realised i cant even do it myself...
i hate the mask i'm wearing.... i wan to be the real ME... but... i havent found what am i...
sad ain't it... i constantly think of myself as a hypocrite.... i dun wanna be like that... i dun wanna smile when i don't feel like it... i dun wanna say words to humour people although its someone i dun like.... argh... i dun wanna die a life of regret... not knowing what kind of person i am even til the moment i'm to die... this are the emotions a single word 'DEATH' can evoke in me...
don't judge a book by its cover.... dun think i'm that jovial even though i make people laugh like nobody's business...
i wish i die earlier than all the people whom i love... if i can choose... i wish to die for them...
i noe a normal human with normal thinking will not wan to die... since i dun mind dying... can i die for them....? i don't think i'm prone to suicide.... i'll not wan to die for no reasons... that's y i'm stil here... i always kept all these to myself... once, i revealed this to a friend of mine and she told me... ur parents will be upset to hear this... i'm just thinking, probably its just my mum and brothers and sister.... definitely not my father... please dun judge and tell me i'm biased against my father upon seeing this... unless u noe my story...
i started to think this way when a friend of mine died a few years back due to leukemia... i was very much affected... though it was not shown... she wasn't very close to me even.... but, i really wanted to die for her... i'm so sad she had to leave this world... i bet she has lots to fulfil but due to her sickness... she was unable to.... for me, i have none... i'm almost left with nothing... liabilities i have... sorry... if i'm unable to pay back til the day i die.... people will be sad for me, i know... but, life goes on... it won't be long before people forget my existence...
i hope to sort out my thoughts by typing it out and reading it... but in the end, i realised, my thoughts are even messier than before... thus, left me with a teardrop in my eyes...
once again....
to conclude, there's no conclusion....
posted by dawn @ 9:30 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home