it's a beautiful day...

living life to its fullest...

2008-06-28T11:35:00.000-07:00

I didn't realised the meaning of the above title until recently.
even though i have less time to slp, but i feel that I've been spending time meaningfully..

100th post.....

2008-06-15T08:02:00.000-07:00

its been quite a while since i last blogged...
laziness gets the better of me. and now, i'm proud to say, this blog of ... hell, i dunno how long...
has reached the 100th post... yeah!!
(can i excuse my absence because i wanted to figure out what to post for this glorious moment...)
*wink*

the past few week was used to figure out some of my thinking, not really straightened out, but it might be a good start to a better future... made quite a few impulsive decisions, good or bad? i have no idea, time will tell... so, either i sit in a corner and turn autistic or i'll be stand tall and proud... nvm, humans can only try to make out what's to come and the big boss upstairs will make the final call...

Tears

2008-04-11T21:08:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd lost the ability to cry, to shed tears...
but I was wrong.
I cried a lot last night.
no, my friend... nothin so tragic happened to my life.
Just that I watched a drama with very tragic ending.

为别人的遭遇落下眼泪是件很悲壮的事。
尽管，人物与事件都是虚构的。
所以，女人都爱看长篇连续剧，而，男人，比较喜欢历史片。

我以前总以为，哭，是懦弱的标签。
所以，非常唾弃用哭来表现自己。
然而，我忘了，女人始终是水做的。
哭，并非软弱，只是让人凭弔伤感，其后，才可以再振作。

After watching the drama, I decided to take a break from my laptop screen.
Read a book bought during the Hong Kong trip.
The Five People You Meet in Heaven byMitch Albom.
Little did I know about the book other than its a bestseller.
It sent me thinking about life and death.
I started wondering if through any of my wilful behavior, I caused the death of another.
Wonder if I die, have I loved?
Wonder if I know how to sacrifice like the Captain of Eddie.
Reading the scene of when Eddie met his wife in heaven,
I cried again...

Results of all the venting of emotions through tear glands,
a pair of swollen eyes, which I managed to subside the swelling with a couple of ice cubes.

the Crying was good. Suddenly felt lighter, relieved.
Despite the facts it has nothing to do with my life.

Therefore, I advise all those people who feels like a fully stretched rubber band,
go find some very tear-inducing shows to watch,
does takes your minds of your own troubles.
=P

back...

2008-04-08T10:30:00.000-07:00

back...
but i fell into the abyss of emptiness...
suffering withdrawal syndrome..
from total relaxation.. back to the cold cruel reality of the world.
haven't got the mood to start uploading my pictures into my laptop anyways...
since i reached home in the afternoon, had been busy doing everything, and nothing...
well, suddenly fell so lonely...
so out-of-the world...
something, in fact most of the time,
i feel i'm to the extent of non-existent.
mayb its just that i realised nobody actually contacted me during the past 5 days i was away...
except for mr. samuel and my family...

On the contrary, i'll feel very disturbed when i keep receiving people's calls and messages..
very extreme ain't it..??
i daren't say i'm of split personality,
but i propose the idea of having dual personality...
hmph... i guess that's just human...
i embrace solitude, but i fear silence...

ok, back to my trip...
will post pictures after i'm done uploading it..

havent did much, neither seen much...
(the most exciting thing during the whole trip was the bus ride from the Peak back to Central. Awesome...)
but, shopped and walked a lot..
i suppose that's the idea of a shopping holiday..
though i had a lot of addition to my wardrobe,
but i think i'm still more suited for adventure..
cityscape can only awe me for as long as a moment...
but, nature can always take my breath away...
(erm... not bad breath)
Stong, or Redang...
Kinabalu is good too...
how about white-water rafting...??

i miss the adrenaline rush!!

coward...

2008-03-27T10:37:00.000-07:00

I feel that I'm a coward...
I used to feel fearless...
Thinking that ordeals in life are but tests of my resilience...
Keeping in mind that Impossible is nothing...
now, I find myself walking on the spot..
dare not put myself in the arena of unknown...
that one step that I know will take me further was not taken..
because I know that this is a make-it-or-break-it situation...
All these acts of cowardice and dastardliness made me all weary and tired...
All I can do is occupy my body and minds in useless entertainment..
I need courage...

I learnt that one of my very good friend is probably going astray in life,
I do not understand...
maybe it's my cowardly behavior that deters me from doing similar things in life..
I feels that there are things that are strictly no-nos,
places that are rigidly out-of-bound...
Standing by my principles,
I wish my friends doesn't do things bad for themselves...
even more so when they knows such things shouldn't be done in the first place...
I fathom that people do make their own choices,
but ain't there better things to do...

This world is increasing in its complexity, something that I could not grasp...

To conclude, there's no conclusion...

rainy... raining!!

2008-03-15T05:19:00.000-07:00

today is the day for impromptu actions...
i booked my air tickets to HK,
went for a swim..
cooked pasta (that was surprisingly good) for me and my mum...
well, did things on impulse,
but still, not enough to start on my assignment....
now its raining... why??
making me feeling all nostalgic...
(guess that's just an excuse for me to procrastinate once again....)

i need more energy...

2008-03-14T08:33:00.000-07:00

today, had a mini poly class gathering...
was fun and interesting knowing how each individual is getting on in life,
finally saw jiaqin...
since like a couple years ago i went to her 21st bday celebration...
i guess we were really close in poly, that why even till now i still sense a bond between us...
felt that all of us grew up..
in one way or another...
even most of my guy classmates had completed NS...
my only exclamation is that time really flies..

today, once again feel the energy new low...
not that anything actually happened..
but i just can't muster enough motivation to start on my assignment...
which is due in like 10 days time...
hai...
i'm so dead!! help....
part time studies realli rely alot on determination and discipline...
i tink i have a discipline-deficiency syndrome...
argh!!!

dead dead dead dead dead!!!!!!

new me...

2008-03-11T06:44:00.000-07:00

i realised something...
being kind or giving is not a exactly a virtue, rather, a burden.
not that i am anyway.
people take you for granted,
take advantage of you,
and u ended in in a more dire situation than your 'helpless' friend.
like my friend...
therefore, i told her...
u r saving up your money to let other people spend it...

nuthin much, just wanna rant about how ppl ended up borrowing money from others to satisfy one's desire for what... a motorbike...
i only feel that if u have no money,
to quote from a chinese proverb
'don't slap yourself till your face is swollen to feign a fatty'. (direct translation)

Cam-whoring...

2008-03-10T10:31:00.000-07:00

i always loved taking photos very much...

dying to learn more about photography...

yeah~!

I went to the IT Show 2008 @ Suntec with Gil, WeiJie, Malcolm yesterday, before work.

Boy... it was packed to the brim... but some very imconsiderate people tends to prefer to stand in the middle of the walkway, and start talking about their life-story... Bizzare, indeed.

Being a 'Crowdophobic' person, it was tremendously tormenting for me to stay there for long.

after much queueing and thinking, i finally bought my Fujifilm Z10fd at $259.

army green... just the way i like it...

wanted pink though, coz it looks cute, havent owned anything pink as yet... but, a pity it was sold out.

had a round of monopoly and went to K-Box jus now...

busy cam-whoring and of coz, my all-time favourite pastime - Singing!

now, i'm so tired that i feel very motivated to type faster and finish this entry...!

good niteZ... cheers~!

my plan...

2008-03-08T19:30:00.000-08:00

went to IT show with Jerry, Gil and Weijie on Friday...
all of them managed to get something...
except for me and Gil... haha
so, i'm going again later...

Fujifilm Z5fd/ Z10fd
here i come...
should i go for quality or bargain...?
fantastic night shots or free memory cards, tripod, batteries etc etc...?
*sigh* caught in a dilemna...
hm... MP3 player, i wan too but dun tink so...
thumbdrive mayb...
instead of my ancient 256mb thumbdrive...

full of anticipation for the upcoming trip...
but somehow i have a bad inkling reagarding the trip...
will it be last minute cancelled...??
will it be f-up...
i dunno...
sometimes human beings are just programmed to tink too much...

new low...

2008-03-08T08:51:00.000-08:00

hm... hit rock bottom...
i had always believed that everyone has their hidden talent...
juz kip searching and u'll find it...

todAy is a sucky day at work...
i dunno is it my PMS at work or wad...

i said, i dunno i'm well-liked or well-disliked...
y is it that i muz be the object of everyone's mockery...
is it so funny..??
i noe ppl dun mean it...
i dun mind harmless jokes...
never mind them in fact...
but i tink everyone has a certain threshold when it comes to tis kinda stuffs...
mayb u'll tink it's trivial...
i feel darn insulted...
not abt personal attacks,
but dun make my physical appearance the reason u tink i cant work properly...

i told gil, mayb i should go to a more serious workplace,
den i wun have to withstand all this insults...
harmless, it may be to u...
but hurtful, it is... to me.

i now dread work,
coz i dunno wad's the next joke to resolve around me gonna be like...

i'm always trying my best at work,
i dunno why is it that ppl choose to ignore and focus on how clumsy/funny/helmet/fender i look like...

i suddenly remember my literature teacher once said,
'the heart is willing but the flesh is weak..'

story...

2007-12-16T08:13:00.000-08:00

I received this email from a friend quite some time ago...
today, whie looking thru my old mails, saw this story...
just felt like sharing...
perhaps its fictitious, but, i believe many children are doing this to their parents.
as i grow older, i got to appreciate what my mother has been doing for me all this while,
painstakingly raised me, taking care of me....
now that i'm working, its time for me to do my part and i believe all children in the world should do theirs...
与分享，共勉之....

==================================================================
By Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen

The old woman sat in the backseat of the magenta convertible as it careened down the highway, clutching tightly to the plastic bag on her lap, afraid it may be kidnapped by the wind. She was not used to such speed, with trembling hands she pulled the seatbelt tighter but was careful not to touch the patent leather seats with her callused fingers, her daughter had warned her not to dirty it, 'Fingerprints show very clearly on white, Ma.'
Her daughter, Bee Choo, was driving and talking on her sleek silver mobile phone using big words the old woman could barely understand. 'Finance' 'Liquidation' 'Assets' 'Investments'... Her voice was crisp and important and had an unfamiliar lilt to it. Her Bee Choo sounded like one of those foreign girls on television. She was speaking in an American accent.
The old lady clucked her tongue in disapproval. 'I absolutely cannot have this. We have to sell!' Her daughter exclaimed agitatedly as she stepped on the accelerator; her perfectly manicured fingernails gripping onto the steering wheel in irritation. 'I can't DEAL with this anymore!' she yelled as she clicked the phone shut and hurled it angrily toward the backseat.

The mobile phone hit the old woman on the forehead and nestled soundlessly into her lap. She calmly picked it up and handed it to her daughter. 'Sorry, Ma,' she said, losing the American pretence and switching to Mandarin. 'I have a big client in America. There have been a lot of problems.' The old lady nodded knowingly. Her daughter was big and important. Bee Choo stared at her mother from the rear view window, wondering she was thinking. Her mother's wrinkled countenance always carried the same cryptic look. The phone began to ring again, an artificially cheerful digital tune, which broke the awkward silence. 'Hello, Beatrice! Yes, this is Elaine.' Elaine. The old woman cringed. I didn't name her Elaine. She remembered her daughter telling her, how an English name was very important for 'networking', Chinese ones being easily forgotten. 'Oh no, I can't see you for lunch today. I have to take the ancient relic to the temple for her weird daily prayer ritual.'

Ancient Relic. The old woman understood perfectly it was referring to her. Her daughter always assumed that her mother's silence meant she did not comprehend. 'Yes, I know! My car seats will be reeking of joss sticks!' The old woman pursed her lips tightly, her hands gripping her plastic bag in defence. The car curved smoothly into the temple courtyard. It looked almost garish next to the dull sheen of the ageing temple's roof. The old woman got out of the back seat, and made her unhurried way to the main hall. Her daughter stepped out of the car in her business suit and stilettos and reapplied her lipstick as she made her brisk way to her mother's side.
'Ma, I'll wait outside. I have an important phone call to make,' she said, not bothering to hide her disgust at the pungent fumes of incense. The old lady hobbled into the temple hall and lit a joss stick, she knelt down solemnly and whispered her now familiar daily prayer to the Gods. '

'Thank you God of the Sky, you have given my daughter luck all these years. Everything I prayed for, you have given her. She has everything a young woman in this world could possibly want. She has a big house with a swimming pool, a maid to help her, as she is too clumsy to sew or cook. Her love life has been blessed; she is engaged to a rich and handsome angmoh man. Her company is now the top financial firm and even men listen to what she says. She lives the perfect life. You have given her everything except happiness. I ask that the gods be merciful to her, evenif she has lost her roots while reaping the harvest of success. What you see is not true, she is a filial daughter to me. She gives me a room in her big house and provides well for me. She is rude to me only because I affect her happiness. A young woman does not want to be hindered by her old mother. It is my fault.'

The old lady prayed so hard that tears welled up in her eyes. Finally, with her head bowed in reverence she planted the half-burnt joss sticks into an urn of smouldering ashes. She bowed once more. The old woman had been praying for her daughter for thirty-two years. When her stomach was round like a melon, she came to the temple and prayed that it was a son. Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her womb, bawling and adorable with fat thighs and pink cheeks, but unmistakably, a girl. Her husband had kicked and punched her for producing a useless baby who could not work or carry the family name. Still, the woman returned to the temple with her new-born girl tied to her waist in a sarong and prayed that her daughter would grow up and have everything she ever wanted. Her husband left her and she prayed that her daughter would never have to depend on a man. She prayed every day that her daughter would be a great woman, the woman that she, meek and uneducated, could never become. A woman with the ability to do anything she set her mind to. A woman who commanded respect in the hearts of men. When she opened her mouth to speak, precious pearls would fall out and men would listen. She will not be like me, the woman prayed as she watched her daughter grow up and drift away from her, speaking a language she scarcely understood. She watched her daughter transform from a quiet girl, to one who openly defied her, calling her laotu; old-fashioned. She wanted her mother to be 'modern',a word so new there was no Chinese word for it. Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old woman wondered why she had prayed like that. The gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl's roots and now she stood, faceless, with no identity, bound to soil of her ancestors by only a string of origami banknotes.

Her daughter had forgotten her mother's values. Her wants were so ephemeral; that of a modern woman. Power, Wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques, and yet her daughter had not found true happiness. The old woman knew that you could find happiness with much less. When her daughter left the earth everything she had would count for nothing. People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman, but she would be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt paper convertibles and mansions. The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and prayers for her daughter; now she had only one want: That her daughter be happy. She looked out of the temple gate. She saw her daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and worry. Being at the top is not good, the woman thought, there is only one way to go from there - down. The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag and spread out a packet of beehoon in front of the altar.

Her daughter often mocked her for worshipping porcelain Gods. How could she pray to them so faithfully and expect pieces of ceramic to fly to her aid? But her daughter had her own gods too, idols of wealth, success and power that she was enslaved to and worshipped every day of her life. Every day was a quest for the idols, and the idols she worshipped counted for nothing in eternity. All the wants her daughter had would slowly suck the life out of her and leave her, an empty soulless shell at the altar. The old lady watched her joss tick. The dull heat had left a teetering grey stem that was on the danger of collapsing.

Modern woman nowadays, the old lady sighed in resignation, as she bowed to the east one final time to end her ritual. Modern woman nowadays want so much that they lose their souls and wonder why they cannot find it. Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey powder. She met her daughter outside the temple, the same look of worry and frustration was etched on her daughter's face. An empty expression, as if she was ploughing through the soil of her wants looking for the one thing that would sow the seeds of happiness.

They climbed into the convertible in silence and her daughter drove along the highway, this time not as fast as she had done before. 'Ma,' Bee Choo finally said. 'I don't know how to put this. Mark and I have been talking about it and we plan to move out of the big house. The property market is good now, and we managed to get a buyer willing to pay seven million for it. We decided we'd prefer a cosier penthouse apartment instead. We found a perfect one in Orchard Road. Once we move in to our apartment we plan to get rid of the maid, so we can have more space to ourselves...'

The old woman nodded knowingly. Bee Choo swallowed hard. 'We'd get someone to come in to do the housework and we can eat out-but once the maid is gone, there won't be anyone to look after you. You will be awfully lonely at home and, besides that, the apartment is rather small. There won't be space. We thought about it for a long time, and we decided the best thing for you is if you moved to a Home. There's one near Hougang-it's a Christian home, a very nice one.' The old woman did not raise an eyebrow. 'I've been there, the matron is willing to take you in. It's beautiful with gardens and lots of old people to keep you company! I hardly have time for you, you'd be happier there.'
'You'd be happier there, really.' Her daughter repeated as if to affirm herself. This time the old woman had no plastic bag of food offerings to cling tightly to; she bit her lip and fastened her seat belt, as if it would protect her from a daughter who did not want her anymore. She sunk deep into the leather seat, letting her shoulders sag, and her fingers trace the white seat.
'Ma?' her daughter asked, searching the rear view window for her mother.
'Is everything okay?' What had to be done, had to be done. 'Yes,' she said firmly, louder than she intended, 'if it will make you happy,' she added more quietly.
'It's for you, Ma! You'll be happier there. You can move there tomorrow, I already got the maid to pack your things.' Elaine said triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda. 'I knew everything would be fine.' Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated. Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her happier. She had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in her pursuit of happiness. She was happy now. She had everything a modern woman ever wanted; Money, Status, Career, Love,Power and now, Freedom, without her mother and her old-fashioned ways to weigh her down... Yes, she was free. Her phone buzzed urgently, she picked it up and read the message, still beaming from ear to ear. 'Stocks 10% increase!' Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for her... And while searching for the meaning of life in the luminance of her hand phone screen, the old woman in the backseat became invisible, and she did not see the tears.

Dear All
Personal note from me
you will one day be an old woman.
What you impose on your old mother, you will get the same taste in no timeSo, learn \a lesson or two about what this 15 year old girl has written.
When we young, we are too dynamic and impatient with the old
Remember this story till you are old.
Do not do to others what you do not like done to youself - Confucius saying.
Jesus said, using the positive tone - do to other what you want others to do to you.

Sam Ku/Yee

hm...

2007-11-19T09:24:00.000-08:00

well, exam's over... finally...
bonus came and went...
but managed to clear most of my debts...
but the thought of more debts scares me... hell lot...
met up with old friends...
Wendy, Shirley, Mitchelle, Sky, Karen....
my classmates, Jeslyn, Karen, Vincent...
TAS mates, Mei See, Francis, Wei Ming, Sharon, Nelly, Jeff, Lyn...
really nice to reminise on the past...
the innocent carefree life...
of Singing and composing, of fun and adventure,
of silly things of the past....

but i guess its time to move on and grab hold of what the future might hold for me...
quit? most probably...
i think of absolutely nothing that makes me wanna stay...
except for colleagues...
they have been totally wonderful...
well, work hadn't been exactly what u call smooth...
its uneventful... boring to be exact...
mayb this the life some might embrace...
not me...

pondering.... haiZ...

o....

2007-11-04T08:54:00.000-08:00

i feel like i'm a soaked sponge...
lying still in a big puddle of water...
unable to absorb anymore...
argh...
exams in a few days time...
i feel like i stil noe nuthin...
how...?? feel so gonna fail...
omg.... help~!
cannot get into the mood of studying sia...
die...
hmph....

i miss those days...

2007-10-16T10:24:00.000-07:00

i miss those days in poly...
hmph...
was looking back at photos...
TAS days...
as a council, as a member...
life spent in pulau ubin juz walking around...
talk nonsense along the way...
laughing at and 'suaning' each other...
night walks...
waterfalls...
campfires...
rocking and singing in the hammocks...
eating awesome camping food and all-time favorite...
MILO by Evelyn...
gross undercooked/overcooked maggi with funny ingredients...
star-gazing.. but achly having heart-to-heart talks...
human pyramid at penggerang beach...
tears that we shed together when things din ran the ways we meant it to be...
(but stil managed to resolve...)
canned cocktails with sprite...
being 'tekan'...
'tekan' people...
cycle until butt pain like hell...
eating khong guan biscuit by esplanade and in the middle of sheares bridge...
while singing songs with Tay Hui Lang
covered with mozzie bites...
siow haw's curled-up hair bcoz of sharon the arsonist...
sisi's biting ppl non-stop...
weiming's helping hands when i fell like the fifth time at kota tinggi...
gab's xiao jiang shi stunt that sent me walking to the jetty with his stupid bag...
and winter-melon tea to make up for it...
poh seng's faked fainting and lotsa axe oil to 'wake' him...

memories start to pour in...
i used to lead such eventful life...
now, only work studies work studies...
haiZ...
I MISS TAS...
Once and adventurer, always an adventurer...
i need to find something tat set my adrenaline's rushing again...
club event...
count me in... somebody...
i'll try to make time for it...
promise...

my aura

2007-10-09T23:09:00.000-07:00

Your Aura is Violet

Idealistic and thoughtful, you have the mind and ideas to change the world.And you have the charisma of a great leader, even if you don't always use it!
The purpose of your life: saying truths that other people dare not say
Famous purples include: Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Susan B. Anthony
Careers for you to try: Political Activist, Inventor, Life Coach

http://www.blogthings.com/whatcolorisyourauraquiz/">What Color Is Your Aura?

off day...??

2007-10-09T22:55:00.000-07:00

well, today's my off day...
but, no life... stay home do assignment...
hm... but, alas... it's raining...
another valid reason to stay at home...
call it self-consolation...
yesterday no wk..
coz took leave for class...
in the end, managed to meet up with dora and maxine before class and talk nonsense...
o man... those were the days,
suddenly felt younger,
coz as u grow older,
u hardly hand-make gifts for fren...
or juz sit at macDonald and chit chat...
hai...
does hours get shorter as u grow older...?
why is it that one can hardly find time to do what they desire as time goes by..?
everything is still the same...
but everything is changing...
so, am i at ease with myself...??
well, i know not...

To conclude, there's always no conclusion....

well...

2007-10-07T10:17:00.000-07:00

hm...
human beings... homo sapiens...
silly creature...
when u are too busy,
pre-occuppied by so many mundant tasks that u can't push away...
when all the deadlines seems to fall on the same week,
or worse, same day...
when u suddenly realised, other than all these tasks/jobs/commitments,
u have absolutely no life...
u'll start to think,
'hmph, i'm losing myself...'
but then, u suddenly realised all those suffocating commitment is over,
life is again beautiful...
muahaha... that precisely what i'm feeling...
yeah....
but, it won't be long before my internal 'PMS' commences again...
i know...
but, i'll pull thru...
=P

hm....

2007-09-30T10:17:00.000-07:00

2007年10月1日晴
工欲善其事，必先利其器....

现下, 好像把手上的事情都搞好...
想把万二分的精力都放在学业上...
想以非常优异的成绩毕业...

然而, 再不付诸行动,
其充其量也不过是想而已.

所以, 如果把自己比喻成工匠,
而卓越的学位是我的完成品,
我的 '器', 即,我的工具, 就是一份坚韧的决心...

加油!

nihaoma...

2007-09-28T11:06:00.001-07:00

0141hrs 2007年9月29日晴（好热的一天）
不必感到错愕，我只是突然很想写篇华文的记事...
如果我亲爱的读者, 此时有点气恼 (基于不甚明白我所写的外太空文字)
我只能说声抱歉, 外加一句...
干我屁事.... =P
今天，很奇特的一天
(其实, 严格上来判断, 因该是昨天)
昨夜是我的夜班...
好累, 当我终于撑到早上4点多可以休息了...
该死的handphone，
在我正酣酣沉睡时
却不住的响起, 一会儿是妈子, 一会儿是局里打来...
嘿... 我知道我的alarm很好听...
但是, 这样扰人清梦法, 真的够了...
幸而, 工作的船冷气是无敌的冷...
而, 我贵为team里的北极熊...
偏偏要在这种情况才能再次进入梦乡...
放工了, 却只有少数回家了...
原因... 我们有实弹演习...
At the Southern Islands...
简直是超爽的说....
尤其是'HKMP5 Burst Fire... Engaged... Fire!'
想想，除了在Range里关了灯Simulated Night Firing以外，
从没试过在夜里开枪...
所以, 只有两个字形容....
过瘾！！！

today...

2007-09-12T00:23:00.000-07:00

hm.. alot of ppl think i'm silly to do so...
oops...! i havent mention wad i did...
i signed up for california fitness....
biggest reason...
to learn capoeira!
next...
to keep fit...
haha... so far so good...
been running quite a fair bit... =P
satisfied so far... though, result not yet visible...
today is my first off...
supposedly, a sleeping off...
but, til now i've not even touch my bed...
hm... only held my pillow and bolster while i watch my movies...
hai... dunno wad's good for me sia...
later on meeting my buddy for gym...
den... meet my colleagues to go drinking...
pay day~! WOAH YEAH~!

achly, i tink my lack of sleep is quite obvious in this post...
by the way i'm blabbering nonsense...
k... go catch a wink...
ciaoZ~!

life... duh...!

2007-09-03T21:08:00.000-07:00

hm... taken a liking to Capoeira ever
since i watched the show 'FLASH POINT'.
was trying to figure out wad kinda martial arts the lead actor was using.
only at the last part where they were showing the makings den did we (or rather... i) realised its Capoeira...
boy, i love the swift and fluid action of the dance/sports...
so, i made up my mind to go and learn it already...
yeah~!

been very busy lately, with what..??
well, i know not.
i used to have the habit of writing diary.
till when i could not remembered i stopped doing so...
thinking that is a chore to do so...
writing more or less the same things everyday...
but, my goldfish memory helped me forgot abt my goldfish memory...
since i stopped, whenever i tried to look back...
its like erm... blank...

for now, assignment's done, deadline in 2 days' time.
(Phew!... luckily)

alrite, ain't got much to say anyways..
cheerios...

p.s. its the 80th post anniversary~! "p

busy busy busy...

2007-08-30T23:32:00.001-07:00

well well... here i am...
back to my little world..
i tink i've became less hi-tech already... "p
my diary is in the form of paper, pens and pencils nowadays..
thus, my blog is in such a sorry state...

updates!!!
1) Single... not available...
2) started school... assignments' killin' me...
3) contemplating quitting once my bond's up... still indecisive though
4) missing all my great pals... TAS, HLM, Tracom, BPGHS, Swensen's

i tink that's about it...
"p and i tink i shall return to the virtual world now..
back to my blog...
so probably all my dear frens will see more updates from me...
stay tuned....!!!

happy chinese new yr eve....

2007-02-16T20:07:00.000-08:00

hehe.... lucky for me...
at least i get my off for CNY eve...
reunion dinner is far too important to my life...
steamboat with all the good stuffs...
moreover, its a traditionally charcoal steamboat...
taste far better than those electrical ones....
yeah....
tml... morning shift and day after nite shift...
nvm... its ok... *console myself*

after new yr needs to find ppl for help lor...
which kind soul is willing to accompany me to SIM to enrol...?
hai... btw, i've made up my mind to go study already...
if i wan outta my life now...
i'd better be better than i was when i joined the force...
studying is the best solution...

recently received a lot of recruitment emails from dr hedy goh...
saying tat various landscape firms and nurseries requires staffs...
i wan so much to juz try my luck and apply...
but i tink back and realised.... my knowledge is all obsolete....
worse than a new grad...
argh... forget it....

but, procrastinating is my last name...
i'm always too lazy to move my ass...
get myself down to SIM...
hm....
hope i dun wait til its too late to apply....

HAPPY Chinese NEW YEAR.....

confused....

2007-01-10T22:05:00.000-08:00

hell... i'm so darn indecisive....
a few words from others and i'll start tinking abt all my plans...
should i buy a car...? nice... comfy... can i afford it...?
buy a van...? useful... dream vehicle.... troublesome(it's a commercial veh.)....
back to the old question.... can i afford it...??
should i forgo my plan to buy veh....?
go studying instead....? value-add myself....
continue with bike...?
well, in fact i start to feel tat i'm not cut out to ride...
fail the practs like nobody's business...
and its inconvenient.... rainy weather... dangerous...
i'll prob, like wad ash said, pose a road hazard to other road users...
hai....
stupid dawn... make up ur mind....

happy 2007....

2007-01-01T21:47:00.000-08:00

woah... time really flies....
all it takes is a turn of head and i'm in the force for a yr odd....
guess i've changed abit.... probably to some... alot....
met up and wendy and weilin on 30 of dec....
talked for many many hours... time i appreciate with my old old friends..
wendy said i've changed...
from the heck-care-whatever me to now...
at least i do bother abt my appearance....
but, i've became less happy....
probably its becoz i've seen more of the world....
realised that no matter how hard u try,
there's bound to be ppl not satisfied....
hahaha.... whatever man....

yesterday sat in Rezki new car.... Kia Rios....
real nice color... orange....
mad me wans to own a car too...
but cant....
cannot end up down with lotsa instalment unable to clear....
tow my car away....
den mum told me dun ride bike...
lately there's a lot of accident....
go and take a weekend plate if i really wans...
haiZ....

but i guess i'll wait....
not matured enough to own a car....
my perodua kenari....
my Suzuki SX4

o....

2006-12-20T08:35:00.000-08:00

oh my.....
can someone enlighten me....??
wad to do...?
the year of 2006 is coming to an end very very soon...
a few days time....
and... well, i do not noe wad i've achieved....
hohoho....
life's spent bumming around...
even when i'm really free,
updating this blog seems to be the last thing on my mind...
feels like a 5-year-old spoilt brat's forgotten all abt the existence of thy poor 3month old pet...
o... my....
wad to do...??
hm... actually, i hate being at this time of the year the mostest most....
y...??
bcoz u've gotta tink abt 'hm... so wad's for next yr..?'
or... ' wad have i done this yr tat could be better...??'
well, can i not tink....??
next best thing to think abt..??
'wad presents to get for ppl...?' ---->even bigger headaches

tink i'm a born procrastinator....
a cynic, a weevil....
i hv a big dream....
but y dun i have the bigger motivation to start making my dream come true...??
argh...
i wanna sit on the swing and shake legs sip coffee...
but u cant possibly make coffee outta air...
so, i've gotta work for my coffee....
but, i usually spend more than i can earn...
hmph... dunno y..

my life....

2006-11-26T09:22:00.000-08:00

hm.... quite alot of things happening around me lately...
interesting....
hm... missed my club 'THE ADVENTURE SEEKERS'
missed those times we had our adventures...
Kota Tinggi... Desaru... P. Ubin....
Kilimanjaro...
i attended the 30th Anniversary Nite on Saturday....
saw a lotsa familiar faces... many new faces too...
gotten to noe more ex-councils alike me....
working... leading ther own lives...
but still craving for adventures....
looking forward once anyone of us suggested going for trips....
be it somethin as normal as Kota... Penggerang...
or my dream of scaling Kilimanjaro again in year 2009... while we save up for that expedition...
feeling excited when Mr. Jalal mentioned the next big trip being to Everest Base Camp....
even asked if i could pay myself but follow the expedition team... (though its quite impossible givven the restrictions....)
so glad to see people who really changed my life....
my lovely TAS 29th Council... (whom i shared laughters, tears, sweat and alot of fun)
my lovely members of TASIC 16.... (although i really gave them alot of shit)
my lovely TAS 28th Council...(while i was stil a member)
thought of my very 1st TAS trip... (Penggerang Cycling)
those were the days....
hey... keep the adventure spirit and the TAS fire burning bright eh....

today, went to JJ's place to watch VCD...
den met up with Alicia...
went to Golden Mile for Steamboat...
talked a lot of craps and gossip a lot...
realised the real positions of Alicia's stomach, head, and arse....
muahaha....
laughed til stomach ache...
even talked abt exchanging christmas gifts....
haha... relaxing outing...
havent been so for a rather long time....

cheers.... i've came the end of my updates...
(if i bored u... i can only say... JTB lo)

*JTB==>Just Too Bad

hm....

2006-11-04T01:19:00.000-08:00

Its been a long long while since i last blogged...
laziness can be the best killer in this world...
it almost killed my blog..
muahaha....
been busy working.....
recalled a few times colleague asked me....
so wad u do when ur free....
well, i'm almost tempted to say...
i'm never even free... to start with....
haiz....
staying home or going out as and when u like is like a luxury to me....
i dun sit around at cafe and read a book anymore..
i dun stay at home and play computer all day long anymore....

Life....

2006-09-15T09:44:00.000-07:00

life... what is it..?
i noe not...
used to tink about it alot...
searching for that meaning in life...
those attempt were futile...
found myself more lost and nearly gave up hope....
giving up hope of finding out who i really am...
giving up hope of knowing where i exactly belong...

den i decided...
stop tinking...
be a nua person...
if i'm meant to be lidat...
i will be...
*as the song goes... 'Whatever will be, will be...' ( if i din remembered wrongly...)

though secretly hoping that the meaning will find its way to me...

i dun find meanings in work...
realising that its juz work...
separating them clearly makes me less disappointed in myself...
for making the wrong choices in life...
Meaning+Work= fuifilment...
too bad...
tink i'm just not destined to realised the fulfilment and satisfaction within...

i'm a fake...
different person at work, at play, at TAS, at home...
these split personalities really tires one out easily...
like wad my buddy at Gul Team D, Yana says...
i'm so different its the post work syndrome...
den i supposed there's so many types in my life...
post-left-home, post-TAS, post-blogging....

but i tink the most comfortable place i'll be at are the TAS Clubhouse...
and with my darlin...

has been trying to be there for my great fren... though i know not how to...
she's going thru some rough rough patches...
hard... but stil... alot of things we can only leave it to god's hand...
the feeling of waiting for somethin to happen.. to change...
is really suffocating...
feels really like crying for her...
sharing her pain is probably the least i could do for her...
hm...
she's not exactly a person of many words...
but strong is one word i'd use to describe her...
but seeing her lidat yesterday...
like she's suddenly aged... suddenly weakened...
and i could only stand by and watch...
she left halfway...
guess she's not in the mood for KTV either....

Really.. Fren.. i wish u LUCK...

cheers to the adversities in life...
挫折会让人变得坚强也会让人一蹶不振
若欲二中选一真希望是前者

my blog: Obsolete~!

2006-08-04T10:32:00.000-07:00

woah... cant believe its been more than a month since i update my blog..
time flies...
been to redang for my ultra short holiday...
nevertheless, had a great time...
lotsa first time.... snorkelling... travelling with juz 2 persns...
realised one thing... communication is very the blardee important...
tak farham melayu... machiam the chicken and the duck talking seh....
wad to do..
better go brush up....
stil muz talk to the wakiduwak *please refer to dawn for explanation...* at sea....
started work a month ago....
coping fairly alrite....
hope it'll be better in times to come...
achly got a lot more that happened...
juz tat im lazy to type already...
haha
ciaoz...

faded memories..??

2006-07-01T03:17:00.000-07:00

hm... dunno y... suddenly feel like recording this...
tinking i might forget it again sometimes down the road...
ppl always say...
me, coming to 21 years old...
am young...
but... this incident that i'm gonna tok abt is quite unbecoming of a young person...
i always thought i've neber been to Sungei Buloh Nature Reserve...
my mum always talk abt going there one day together...
until one day, i told her,
there's many places in singapore tat even Singaporeans had neber been to in their whole life...
for eg. i've neber been to Sungei Buloh oso...
den she looked at me in a very queer manner...
she said... u've been there what...? with ur secondary frens...
suddenly, bits and bits of memories coming knocking into my pea-brain...
but it seems like a dream to me...
i thought its was like i went there in my dreams with Weilin...
and who else i could not recall...
Wendy..?? Doris..??
it seems like something tat happened so darn long ago...
walking for more than 1 hr just to reach the place...
and i cant even remember what i achly saw there...
did i..? or did i not go there..??
someone enlighten me please...??
it seems a place so familiar yet i could not recall anything about it....

argh...
Is this the Parkinson's Disease taking its toil on me...??

3 Days pass POP....

2006-06-30T03:23:00.000-07:00

woah... no more a trainee...
imagine... my total training adds up to 10 months...
and coming july 12th will be my 1 year in the force....
i've only been working for 2 months and training for 10 friggin months...
argh...
omg... i'm such poor thing... =P
but nvm... its over...
i tink i look friggin fat in my no.1 sia...
haiZ... who ask me to eat so much....?

CountDown to POP: 2 Days

2006-06-25T00:01:00.000-07:00

woah...finally coming to an end...
after struggling for 11weeks...
hm... its been rather stressful and busy throughout the whole training process...
but on the other hand...
gained alot more knowledge...
hm...
but i gathered tat more hands-on experience will definitely help me in the process of understanding what i've learnt...
heeZ... passing out soon...
full-fledged coast guard officer...
look out for me when u guys are kayaking or fishing ya...
muahaha....

CountDown to POP: 9 Days...

2006-06-18T02:26:00.000-07:00

hm... was blog hopping...
lookng thru fren's blogs...
some of School Friends, some of Buddies at work...
suddenly...
realised that its so much better not to have to work for money...
but for interest...
like how we used to put in all our time and efforts and whatever we have
only for the sake of making good our club...
no monetary rewards...
only satisfaction when ppl congratulated u for it being a wonderful event...
success... nothin can achly describe it in words...

now, can only look back....
and sigh...

踏入社会大学的第一个领悟....
人太渺小, 尽管尽最大的努力,
有时也只是徒然....
会想, 又何必...?
但是, 若放任事情演变成最坏的结果....
又会觉得看不下去...
总过不了... 自己的那关...

然后,
再失望,
再放弃,
再拾起,
再努力,
又再失望....
形成一种恶性循环....

可是, 踏不出这循环...
或许, 并非踏不出...
而是, 不想让自己的脚步踏出那循环的框框...

自相矛盾, 何尝不是人的本质....

grumbling about my present kinda life...
not because i resent my work...
not because it is particularly rocky at work...
but because i so much wanna live in the past...
in a world free of politics...
seeing my frens, heard their complaints
i tot we were happier last time...
carefree...
not afraid of anything...
juz take whatever that comes...

if only, life goes on like that for as long as ever....

well, its hardly possible...
ain't it?

P.s. i dun believe anyone can understand what i'm blabbering about eh...? haa....

Countdown: 16 days to POP!

2006-06-10T22:12:00.000-07:00

woah... it been a long time since i last updated...
lazy ar... hee...
anyways, nuthing much happened....
yesterday...
went jalan jalan at ECP with my darlin....
did somethin stupid... =P
in the end, broke a glass bottle at the breakwaters...
afraid tat it might injure other users of the place...
we went to pick it up...
after sending her home...
went to City Hall...
had a mini gathering...
realli mini eh... 6 outta 25 turned up...
but nevertheless... its was really nice... laughed toked...
made fun of each other...
realli miss those days...
like wad Jo said....
after 7 months of shit...
its sad to know that some forget friend...
*sigh* wad to do... to each his own...
went to O Bar with JJ, Fio, Jo, SiSi, Yvonne, Yanto, Mukmin and Amelia(Min's gf)and Shah...
woah... very nice...
opened a bottle of chivas...
cute to see Yvonne struggled with the Tequila Shot...
drank quite alot...
hm... in the end i was abit tipsy...
luckily yvonne and sisi let me alight first at woodlands before proceeding home....
vomitted the liquor out...
went home... bathed...
den i cant slp liao...
juz lie down and stone til i fall aslp....
haha...
but it was the best nite of clubbing i've ever had...

5 more weeks...

2006-05-22T02:54:00.000-07:00

went to watch Da Vinci Code yesterday at Suntec City's Eng Wah...
with my darlin Han... =P
nice show...
hm... nicer than Memoirs of a Geisha...
though both were adapted from bestselling fictions...
elaborated the story with a lot of reference images when the story relates to the Past..
really nice...
before the show...
had dinner at Tuk Tuk...
cool...
portion was damned big...
next time muz get more ppl to go... share the food...
not so wasteful...
and the meal was taken in a rush...
hm... dun like eat like as if having a train to catch...
=P
today, had an Extra Day off...
so i'll return to camp tml...
today... nice slacking day off at home...
feels nice to be doing nothin,....
juz slack, read a book as and when i like...
watch vcd...
new favorite.... My Lovely Samsoon...
my mum borrowed tat from my Aunt...

at the last episode, the lead actress, Samsoon...
chanced upon a poster at the bus-stop...
saying...
Fall in love, like you've never got hurt before...
i particularly like this phrase...

cheersZ.....

i'm a happy person...

2006-05-13T20:52:00.000-07:00

heeZ... lovely weekend went to JB yesterday...
had a good shopping session..
though i only bought a pair of surf pants..
in preparation for my redang trip...
had great nice seafood dinner at Taman Sri Terbau...
but the most funny thing is...
ran into 3 person...
first, stella at woodlands...
at the old central before i left Singapore...
den i suddenly remembered she stay woodlands too...
hee...
but the most unbelievable thing was i ran into serene and haliff at City Square...
wah... surprise surprise...
han said it very funny tat even when we leave singapore,
we'll still run into ppl whom we know...

after we returned, went down to 5Ten to meet JJ, Fio, Ash and Yao....
den at 5Ten, realised tat Yao ws achly from Ngee Ann and she saw me before,
she was from OB and saw me at the clubhouse before...
wah... small world, ain't it....?? =P

hm... wad to say eh...??

2006-05-11T08:18:00.000-07:00

now... comfortably back at home...
finally... long weekend...
wad happened this week....
feel like a short week...
nice... hope 5 more weeks pass like tat...
den i'll pass out from my course...
POP oh...

today... went to HTA for PDP rehearsal...
today started off with a PT...
FI Adrian... quite nice...
dunno y... feels that he's more humane than the other FI...
but at the same time PT stil attained its purpose...
had a great work-out.... 3.6km.... =P

damned hot day... when we set off to HTA at noon time...
the stupid driver... like to make things difficult for all...
purposely told us the air-con is outta order....
all of us stood up to open the window...
den... when he started the engine...
told us to shut the windows again....
the air-con's got absolutely nuthin wrong...
-_-""'
really dunno wad he gets from making a fool of us.... *shrug*
went back to Lot1 from HTA by hitching a ride from Choo's fren...
met Meiyun...
therefore accompany her on her shopping spree...
before she went to meet her boyfren...
woah... knowing her for so long... since sec 1...
first time seeing her so auntie...
well, people do have different sides to them....
juz whether u had the chance to see the many different sides....
=p

well, that's how my day went....
boring eh....
hm... juz ranting about somethin shouting within me,....
i know not wad...
i wish not to know either...
because i can neber figure it out...

General elections....

2006-05-05T05:38:00.000-07:00

hm... weekend burnt...
gotta report back for duty later tonite in preparation for the GE...
hai...
sian....

hm...

2006-04-30T10:49:00.000-07:00

today is a lovely day...
spent it in a very nice way...
went with han to lucky plaza for perfume...
den went to Far East Plaza for dinner...
hm... dinner... far from satisfactory...
bugis' nicer...
but nvm... jalan jalan... looked at a lotsa clothes...
hm... noe wad to aim for the next payday....
proceeded to Lido for movie... Daisy...
the korean show...
hm... really nice... touching...
but han siad she doesn't like the ending...
too sad... everybody died...
hm... i guess in life there isn't anything perfect...
life ends without explaining how and why...
we are juz vulnerable homo sapiens
wad else do we have control over except ourselves...

intriguing, the show...
who said assassin are all cold-blooded...
they can be heart-warming....
soft, gentle...
and handsome... haha...

Interpol... kind.. he is...
but he did not tell the girl that he wasn't the one whom she's been waiting for....
took advantage of the situation to win her heart...
mayb he's kind... gentle...
but not a gentleman enough to not use this kinda unscrupulous method....

all in all...
not all goods are good...
while there might be some goodness in evil....

cheers~!

Don't look back in anger...

2006-04-29T21:06:00.000-07:00

Don't Look back in Anger by Oasis

Slip inside the eye of your mind
Don't you know you might find
A better place to play
You said that you'd once never been
All the things that you've seen
Will slowly fade away
So I'll start the revolution from my bed
Cos you said the brains I had went to my head

Step outside the summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out
So Sally can wait, she knows its too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger I hear you say

Take me to the place where you go
Where nobody knows if it's night or day
Please don't put your life in the hands
Of a Rock n Roll band
Who'll throw it all away

So I'll start the revolution from my bed
Cos you said the brains I had went to my head
Step outside the summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out

So Sally can wait, she knows its too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger I hear you say
Don't look back in anger
Don't look back in anger
Don't look back in anger
At least not today

had friggin no idea y i like this song so much nowadays...
hm... somehow, the lyrics din really made sense to me either...
but i juz love this song... for the melody...
for the lovely voice of the lead singer...
and most inportantly, the punch line of this song...
Don't look back in Anger...

memories are lovely...
left behind by ppl whom u love, u hate, u embraced, u scorned...
but, without these people, u are not a complete u....
ain't it so...??

i may hate this particular person,
but all the things u committed or omitted doing because of this person
had more or less turned u into who u are...

i may had loved this another person,
but mayb i had cried and felt so bad about myself bcoz of this person...
so, should i hate or still love him/her in my memories..??

i used to be confused, trying to make sense outta everything...
about how i feel..
about how ppl felt about me...
about y is the whole world so helluva different from what i am...
used to hate myself....

now, i realised...
nothin make sense...
i dun... people around me dun too....
so y bother to hate...??
nuthin make sense anyway....
so... at the end of the day...
juz forget all the bottled up emotions and get a life...
to love another people despite the shortcomings makes one a happier person...

y look back in anger....??
to hate a person for 2 decades....
den realize at ur deathbed that its ur greatest regrets
that u din managed to forgive the person in time...??
leaving behind only words said too late...

Don't look back in anger... i'll try....

adieu....

week 2....

2006-04-29T04:29:00.000-07:00

hm... for those who are not aware...
i've started my training for Marine Policing Course already...
so.... feel free to call me up for a chat... after 9.30pm...
i'm bored stiff inside...
again... juz like when i was in TRACOM...
cut off from the outside world...
hm... really detest life like tat...
i hate being contained in a place...
losing the freedom to do stuffs i like..
see ppl whom i wanna see...

week 2... hm...
luckily its only a 10 week training...
not so bad...
hoping it to end asap...

argh... help...

a long time...

2006-04-08T01:08:00.000-07:00

its been quite a long time since i last blogged again...
too lazy to do so...
well, i'm juz plain lazy to do anything in fact...
i juz hope money drop from the sky...
i need not work... i enjoy life...
i walk at my own pace with my dearest...
i worry not about anything in life...
i hope singapore snows...
even if it doesn't... i hope it rain all da time...
not acid rain of coz...
i enjoy the sun, sea breeze, stars, moon, sound of the waves....
becoz i enjoy, not because i have to work....

but.... in life... when u gain somethin...
u've gotta give up somethin else...
so... i noe not all my wishes will come true...
nvm... juz some come true will be alrite...

i wish to go for a holiday....
anyone donate to 'save-the-dawn' fund...??

its been 2 weeks...

2006-03-28T01:01:00.000-08:00

juz realised it been 2 weeks since i last blogged...
well, time really flies...
tinking of when was the last time i contacted my fellow fren who's been thru the 7 months....
well, am i bo sim or am i bo sim...
haahaa...
not tat i am reluctant...
but time fly by so fast that u cant hardly even see its tail....
hardly had time of my own....
now i do...
almost....
my Marine Policing Course starting on the 10th of April....
tat day, went to the Alumni Chalet...
saw Sisi... chatted...
colorful is what i should call it...
i wish my life is like tat...
but, its the direct opposite...
like those of stagnant waters...
but hey, be contented....
this is wad i've been telling myself...
while the rest slogging their guts out...
i'm slacking my ass off...
=P
but.... is this wad i'm looking for??
i know not...

深蓝色的情书...

2006-03-14T21:59:00.000-08:00

深蓝色的情书歌词：
风吹过我的双脚
怀念夏天的味道
你的微笑我舍不得一口吃掉

秋天树叶不停掉
我的难过有谁知道
身边少了你我真的
觉得无聊

风窜进了我的衣角
把寂寞装进我背包
怀念你的香水味道
想念让我更加烦恼

我想你知道夏天的味道
刻在我心里永远抹不掉
就请你给我最后的讯号
我会安静地走掉不打扰

昨天的拥抱今天很需要
你给我的好戒也戒不掉
哭湿枕头套夜晚的煎熬
你的城堡我住在地牢

hm....

2006-03-14T21:36:00.000-08:00

back from P2... now happily checking my mail....
tinking of when's the last time i had a longer break from work and training...
well, since chinese new yr...
its been rather long...
reported to work the very next day of my Passing-0ut Ceremoney...
hm...
a break is good sometimes...
muz plan wad am i gonna do...
hohoho....
too much of working makes me feel like a zombie...
losing all enthusiasm in life... in work...
in gathering...
in fact, in every other things apart from lying in my comfortable bed and cuddling up...

Bintan... here i come...
Batam... oso not bad...
bangkok... shopping spree...
woah... but for the time being, these are the further i can afford thou...
hm...

i've became darker.... although i'm oreadi dark...
hm...
but guess its not as bad as when i was on attachment at Chengtai Nursery...
tat was really bangla days of my life man....
hehe....
suddely realised tat i've not touched my Secrets of The Code for a long time...
gotta go...
finish my long abandoned book...
ciaoZ..

listening to this song... 黑色毛衣 by Jay Chou...
lyrics rather nice... juz wanna share...

一件黑色毛衣
两个人的回忆
雨过之后更难忘记
忘记我还爱你
你不用在意
流泪也只想刚好合意
我早已经待在谷底
我知道不能再留住你
也知道不能没有孤寂
感激你让我拥有缺点的美丽
看着那白色的蜻蜓
在空中忘了前进
还能不能重新编织
脑海中起毛球的记忆
再说我爱你
可能雨也不会停
黑色毛衣藏在那里
就让回忆永远停在那里

simple... but the melody complements it so well, made it 扣人心弦....

last nite....

2006-03-10T03:12:00.000-08:00

last nite... had a very 意外的收获....
i saw orange color moon...
was friggin bright while u looking at it like its the only light source around...
other than the Horsburg Lighthouse....
as i was looking at moon...
suddenly i felt glad tat i'm in the 2nd Watch...
timing juz nice to admire the nightsky without sacrificing my rest....
after my watch at 4am.... i stayed on the deck to enjoy the breeze....
well, juz like i'll always do...
prevent sea-sick mah.... =p
i was stunned when i saw the skies....
it was breath-taking....
juz like pieces of diamonds embroided on a black velvet....
well, i'm not even an amateur at astronomy...
my only knowledge was the Orion...
i cant even find the Orion's Belt...
muahaha.... made me regret why not joining the astro Club last time...
i remembered being this stunned when i went with TAS to Penggerang for Cycling...
sat admiring the nite sky with Lyn, Denise and Simon...
who else, cant really recall...
2nd time on kilimanjaro at the night of the summit rush....
busy panting, getting enough air into my almost-collapsing-lungs...
taking in the lovely, non-light-polluted skies before the day breaks....
u'd feel that it's achly possibly to touch and pluck the stars from the sky when u've reach the summit.... hahahha... too bad...
even before i reach, the egg-yolk is outta the egg-shell....
this time round...
well, thou surrounded by lights from ferries, boats, ships, alpha-mike...
or wadever have u...
the stars and the moon feels like the brightest object around...
juz how small u feel when u r out patrolling the South China Sea....
*all my troubles seems so far away..... =p*
i was told on my way back... tat further up i'll be reaching Desaru and
in fact, i've been passing by Penggerang every 10days....
ironic eh...
its like hoping to go there for like so long....
only to realise that u've been passing by that place for so many times...
well, its really good to be inquisitive...
at least i've learnt somethin abt my ignorance....

and yar... one more thing...
air pollution out at sea was much worse than on land...
more worst than Malaysia...
while on our sail to Pedra branca....
i experienced the worst air-pollution... visibility low....
air sucks.... mayb PSI 300???
hahah....

k... enough of my ranting... ciaoz...

tonite...

2006-03-03T22:24:00.000-08:00

hm... so tired... both mentally and physiacally....
i dread going to work sia...
so wanna take a rest... but i cant... AWOL...
i hate the feeling of being aimless...
aimlessly hoping for somethin to happen...
but i dun even have a clue of wad is that 'somethin' tat i so wished for...
i wanna live with a meaning...
i guess everyone have the wish....
but how many can fulfill it...?
so when they cant fulfill it..
they redirect themselves to make a new wish...
one that is easier to attain....
if they fail...
do it another time...
repeat the cycle...
until they finally give up??
this is the so-called optimism....
just tinking of it....
'hm... nvm... i'll do it one day... juz tat one day....'
den live in a world of future success....
okie.... if this is the way to be happy....
so be it....
i've been having too much on my mind to tink abt...
argh....
luckily, i still my lovely someone to stand by me always....
so i stil have the meaning to smile each and everyday....
thank u dear..... :P

hm.... well well....

2006-03-03T06:23:00.000-08:00

hm... always wanted to go to the HSBC Treetop Walk....
finding ppl and finding time...
today... finally went... with my PH61 after our PCG X-Country....
haha... for our Training/Maintenence....
woah.... really an action packed day....
been a long long long time since i really exercised so much in a day sia.....
now.... shagged.... ciaoz...

chanced upon this....

2006-02-26T02:24:00.000-08:00

STORY 1
One interesting man was Lieutenant Commander Butch O'Hare.
He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier Lexingtonin the South Pacific.
One day his entire squadron was sent on a mission.
After he was airborne,he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that
someone had forgotten to top off his fuel tank.
He would not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship.
His flight leader told him to return to the carrier.
Reluctantly he dropped out of formationand headed back to the fleet.
As he was returning to the mothership, he saw something that turned his blood cold.
A squadron of Japanese bombers was speeding their way toward the American fleet.
The American fighters were gone on a sortie and the fleet was all but defenseless.
He couldn't reach his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet.
Nor, could he warn the fleet of the approaching danger.
There was only one thing to do.He must somehow divert them from the fleet.
Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety, he dove into the formation of Japanese planes. Wing-mounted 50 caliber's blazed as he charged in, attacking one surprised enemy plane and then another.
Butch weaved in and out of the now broken formation and fired at as many planes as possible until finally all his ammunition was spent.
Undaunted, he continued the assault.
He dove at the planes,
trying to at least clip off a wing or tail,
in hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as possible and rendering them unfit to fly.
He was desperate to do anything he could to keep them from reaching the American ships.
Finally, the exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction.
Deeply relieved, Butch O'Hare and his tattered fighterlimped back to the carrier.
Upon arrival he reported in and related the event surrounding his return.
The film from the camera mounted on his plane told the tale.
It showed the extent of Butch's daring attempt to protect his fleet.
He had destroyed five enemy bombers.
That was on February 20,1942, and for that action he became the Navy's first Ace of WWII and the first Naval Aviator to win the Medal of Honor.
A year later he was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29.
His hometown would not allow the memory of that heroic action die.
And today,O'Hare Airport in Chicago is named in tribute to the courage of this great man.
So the next time you're in O'Hare, visit his memorial with his statue and Medal of Honor.
It is located between Terminal 1 and Terminal 2.

STORY 2
Some years earlier there was a man in Chicago called Easy Eddie.
At that time, Al Capone virtually owned the city.
Capone wasn't famous for anything heroic. His exploits were anything but praiseworthy.
He was,however, notorious for enmeshing the city of Chicago in everything from bootlegged booze and prostitution to murder.
Easy Eddie was Capone's lawyer and for a good reason.
He was very good!
In fact, his skill at legal maneuvering kept Big Al out of jail for a long time.
To show his appreciation, Capone paid him very well.
Not only was the money big; Eddie got special dividends.
For instance,he and his family occupied a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the day.
The estate was so large that it filled an entire Chicago City block.
Yes, Eddie lived the high life of BR> the Chicago mob and gave little consideration to the atrocity that went on around him.
Eddy did have one soft spot, however.
He had a son that he loved dearly.
Eddy saw to it that his young son had the best of everything: clothes, cars, and a good education. Nothing was withheld.
Price was no object.
And, despite his involvement with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from wrong.
Yes, Eddie tried to teach his son to rise above his own sordid life.
He wanted him to be a better man than he was.
Yet, with all his wealth and influence,There were two things that Eddie couldn't give his son. Two things that Eddie sacrificed to the Capone mob that he could not pass on to his beloved son: a good name and a good example.
One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision..
Offering his son a good name was far more important than all the riches he could lavish on him. He had to rectify all the wrong that he had done.
He would go to the authorities and tell the truth about Scar-face Al Capone.
He would try to clean up his tarnished name and offer his son some semblance of integrity.
To do this he must testify against The Mob, and he knew that the cost would be great.
But more than anything, he wanted to be an example to his son.
He wanted to do his best to make restoration and hopefully have a good name to leave his son. So, he testified.
Within the year, Easy Eddie's life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago Street.
He had given his son the greatest gift he had to offer at the greatest price he would ever pay.

I know what you're thinking.
What do these two stories have to do with one another?
Well, you see, Butch O'Hare was Easy Eddie's son

wad sia....

2006-02-25T21:11:00.000-08:00

i'm beginning to find myself inapprehensible....
i dunno how to read my own heart....
wad i wan.... wad i need...
confused.... hell... no....
i dun even noe if i'm confused....
hm..... argh..... work sucks....

u fill me up....

2006-02-23T10:14:00.000-08:00

http://kevan.org/nohari?view=Genius

click on the link and tell mi how bad am i... :p
thanks peepZ....

untitled....

2006-02-23T09:29:00.000-08:00

o... man....
whenever i start to look back at the photos that i took while trekking...
i feel such urge... such crave to go trekking....
wherever it is.... be it juz gunung Panti or go to ABC....
i so wish to be close to Mama Nature....
i heard from my Executive Officer that SPF once had an adventure club...
but closed down oreadi....
so... hm.... sisi.... our dreams' tarnished....
argh... i wanna go and play... can i?
leave wise..? how do i get and plan...
i'm not even confirmed how long i can go...
let alone plan a date...
argh... fark... i'm so not a planner...
but i guess i've gotta condition myself...
get back the form...
i've put on far too much weight since i've not been doing much physical....
run.... gotta go run... oh my....
run my fats off... my 'spare tyre'....
get my abs... muahaha.... jia you... dawn...
muahahaha....

hohoho....

2006-02-10T21:16:00.000-08:00

achly, i have no idea wad i wanna write....
juz plainly tot that i'll probably juz update abit....
now tat i looked back....
there seems to be nuthin much to update on yeah....
hm....
well, reported to PCG Kallang on thursday...
settling admin stuffs...
security passes and everythin...
personal details forms filling in....
den went for a small tour at all the bases....
quite fun.... life at sea....
i tink i'm gonna enjoy my life in PCG yah.....
:p
weekends off....
report to office hours on monday for a week i guess....
after which...
attachment starts proper....
mauhaha.... today go jalan jalan....
coffee break somewhere i guess...
feels like buying a book.... kinokuniya, off i go...
poooF..... *vanish*

Passing out Ceremony....

2006-02-03T04:41:00.000-08:00

On the 8th of February....
Dawn Ong will officially pass away from the now HTA or Home Team academy....
after 7 months (well, its supposed to be 6 months though).....
3 months of training and 4 months of slackin....
Posted to the Police Coast Guard....
or PCG in short.....

at first.... i was struggling with the idea of PCG....
really regretful y did i placed it in one of my 3 choices....
y? not tat its not good thou....
i was afraid i wun be able to transfer out after 2-3 yrs...
but then again.... since i'll be there....
juz enjoy my yrs there and grab my chance if i do meet with it....
who knows i might not grow to like it.... :p

hm.... for the past 7 months....
met alot of great frens in training.... really glad that i found them....
namely my lovely squadmates....
JJ, Shann, Poh Choo, Yvonne.... Sisi... dun nid to say... coz i knew u already....
we stood by one another....
occasionally when arguments and conflicts arise....
fortunately we're able to solve it fast enough so that its not so damaging....
been thru alot....
laugh while being tekan....
laugh at one another....
laugh at all the lame and dirty jokes....
laugh at all our interogation results.... of especially Poh Choo....
muahaha....

my squad guys.... really gentlemen....
nice ppl.... like.... jo, nizam, mukmin, yanto, derrick, ah beng aka james, thiru....
my divorced husband- ismail.... my son-Danial, my pa- joseph, TP-to-be lawrence, rafizan...
and others.....
glad to know u all....

now that passing out.... dunno to be glad or sad....
mixture of both i guess.... the instructors had been kind enough too....
FI sameer... for ur alot of knowledge imparted to us.... ur really one kind....
somehow feels very warm with ur presence....
FI Nas.... initial conflicts did not really make u hate us thru the end....
a pity that we only got closer later.... thanks alot for ur efforts....
i know we muz had added alot to ur troubles....
Sir Raymond.... u've been great.... always helping us get outta troubles....
taught us alot of stuffs.... very funny OC Squad.... abit long-winded sometimes thou....

POC oh......
see ya.....

hm... going back today....

2006-01-30T21:50:00.000-08:00

hm.... happy lunar new yr to all...
argh... since waking up this morning...
havent been feeling good...
i dunno if this is symptoms of falling sick...
or juz becoz i really dread going back...
today is walk-in day.... shit~!
this new yr is more of a reunion...
to meet up all my fren whom i've not seen for quite a while...
met up with my TAS mates....
had a illegal gambling session at meritius mandarin in honor of denise's bday....
haha....
was damned fun and laughed alot....
before tat... met wendy and weilin for bai-nian session at wendy's place....
hahaha... watched s.h.e mtv and production....
first day of new yr... after bai-nian...
met han up for Memoirs of a Geisha at tampines mall....
hm... poor thing... fell sick...
ended up shivering and having goosebumps thru-out the bus ride home...
after sending han home... went to selegie 5-10 for ktv with jj, fio, ash and gf...
supposedly carmen's to come too... after tat... went for supper(breakfast??) at 3am....
went home at 4am... thanks ash for da ride... was really fast sia...
15mins from selegie....
tats all for new yr....
walk- in liao.... sucks...
argh.... kill mi man...
slash my throat... come....

1st off.....

2006-01-23T05:31:00.000-08:00

well... its oreadi 9.93pm in the nite....
i juz woke up not long ago from much deprived sleep....
what a waste for an off-day... ain't it?
managed to finish my Angels and Demons...
after 2 weeks... hm...
well, i can only read it in and outta work...
on those bus journeys when i'm alone...
but apparently i havent been very much alone....
i still think i'm a hermit... a loner....
i do not embrace interaction...
i prefer to be alone more often than not....
solitude... its more positive than negative in my sense....
but what's now?
when was the last time i'm allowed to sit alone at just any cafe and stone my day away...?
i could not even finish my book even though i find it so darn interesting....

我不能发呆吗？

not tat my frens requires my attention anyways....
juz that its probably a natural reflex of mine
to refuse silence when being with my friends....
now.... i really know not who am i?
where to find myself....
gonna go learn taichi and meditate soon... hahaha
incredible..? ridiculous?
hm.... juz like me....

anyways.... its just a rant outta boredom and confusion of the author....
do not be affected too much...
but in any case u were affected.... *JTB*

cheersZ.... ciaoz......

*p.s. JTB==> Just too bad....

1st tour....

2006-01-19T05:20:00.000-08:00

hm..
rich as singaporeans might seems to be....
i guess problems exist in every niche, every form....
well... i always thought i'm poor.... as if no money lar...
but then again...
looking at some of the houses that i managed to drop by... listening to their woes in life...
one can hardly not feel that actually heavens had been exceptionally kind
and benevolent to bless them with a proper house with a proper job....
paying a proper pay...
and have no one to beat u up at home...
its almost the most joyous festive occasion in the lunar calendar and all this people did to usher in the new lunar yr...
is to have policemen and civil defence personel stroding into their house and
teaching them what to do....
i dunno... sad ain't it...?
their house looks nothing like what u imagine new year celebration to be...
thrown furniture... wet floors... quarrelling adults...
hm... all i can say is everybody have their fair share of troubles and
why do we bothering grumbling about this and that worldly desires that we do not have?

快乐和幸福可以是简单明瞭, 清晰可见的……
满足也可以是复杂，毫无头绪，永无止尽的寻觅……

飘散在风里……

attachment lo..

2006-01-13T17:28:00.000-08:00

i'm so glad.... i'm so glad..... i'm so glad.... i'm so glad..... i'm so glad.....
attachment lor...
i dunno y... i dun find it in the least intimidating of starting to be full-fledged...
i'm not really thinking much about shouldering the responsibilities....
in fact, looking forwards to it....
attachment starting monday.... i'm in JE... with JJ...
hehe... JJ, we're stuck together again sia...

hm.... wad happened during training hours...?
hm.... a slight note on wad happened...
well, i can neither imagine or expect someone my age to behave in such a way...
its really extreme man...
self-indulgence in ur own emotions....
thinking that the moment u like the person, he/she should be standing there all the moment to wait for u... at ur beck and call...
erm.... well, i'm not really into the fact that u've got a bad character built-up...
juz that ur behavior is now affecting me.... hurting my fren in the process...
bo liao bugger....

P.s. i'm not in any sense any party of the above-mentioned incident... juz a kaypoh onlooker... if u r not aware... :p

last nite... booked out... went down to queensway to meet han....
we took cab to bugis...
in the end... went to Phin's steakhouse....
had some fish fish thingy and half-a-dozen oysters....
woah... the oyster was good man...
after that... go for coffee at the C.A.N cafe right beside...
hehe.... been a while since i last went there... stil so cofy and nice feeling inside...
but according to han... u'll go home smelling like CRAP...
because its indoor smoking area....
haha... the whiskey dry sucks... whiskey and plain water... felt cheated..
at least han's gin tonic.... can make it....
tink i shall stick to my ice mocha float next time round...
it hurts to be too adventurous and explorative...
sent han home.... met up with JJ at admiralty....
stil with my walk-out barang barang....
gotten my gift from Fio's and Kitman's bangkok trip.... so touched....
thAnkS u Very the Much.....~!

tats so much for my day...
ciaoz...

haji public holiday.....

2006-01-09T23:47:00.000-08:00

hm.... the part of a year that i absolutely adore is the start and the end....
y so, u may ask...
well, all because of the overwhelming amount of public holidays...
woah....
i faintly remembered dreading public holiday because i find it simply too troublesome to keep walking in and out of Tracom...
but as time goes by...
the feeling of me losing my freedom started to set in
and i hate being confined in a place
with the lack of any sort of entertainment....
and i friggin hate having to stay-in nowadays..
cant wait for my POC....
to wear no.1 uniform...
to be a full-fledged police officer...
not tat i'm an aspiring crime fighter though...
but because i wan my own free time...
to do my things... to see ppl whom i wanna see....
well, last nite... after book out...
i went to chinatown with JJ and Jillian... after almost 2 hrs of bus rides...
went to eat claypot rice....
delivered tangyuan to Fio's house with the timid JJ...
only to realise Fio is unwell... no appetite for the tangyuan...
me and jillian den ate up the tangyuan.... stupid jj...
took the almond soup only to realise she dun like...
went home...
today slacked most part of it at home...
only left home a short while... to meet jj for kopi session...
tonite booking in....
Sianz of the Day....

hmmm....

2006-01-07T08:53:00.000-08:00

today's been tiring... not exactly activity-packed...
but i have no idea why am i so easily pushed to my limits nowadays....
perhaps its because i slacked far too much... asking to slp lesser ish like a torture to mi...
even at this friggin moment... i'm yawning and rubbing my blood-shot eyes while typing this entry...
hm... if not for Dora...( u Mangkok!) asked mi to talk to u... i wouldn't even have this particular entry in this pathetically-neglected blog of mine....
but well, its also outta guilty conscience.... paiseh eh...*salute and say -SORRY- BAH POK*
besides having a date with my friend already, i really forgotten about the roadshow thingy...
and thus din showed my cute face at Taka today...
hm... i know u all missed mi.... muahhaha... ( particularly u.... rite?? Bah Pok...)

this morning... woke from my beloved bed... at 8am...
relunctant to leave my very-much-missed-nice-cosy bed...
went to CPF board at Civic Plaza with JJ to settle her Loan thingy...
met up with Eric and Derrick to get our copies of the policies that we've bought...
Shereen arrived.... wanted to play pool at Causeway Point...
only to realise the pool centre and LAN gaming Centre shifted to Jurong... DAmn~!
went to AMK for KTV session... k-Happy... $20 for 5 full hours of singing... Woah~!
after KTV.... went for movie at AMK Jubilee...
2nd time watching at this theatre...
(1st time was with Joey... watching some stupid lame new yr show...)
watched A Chinese Tall Story.... *or vice versa*
super lame...
but cant help but felt that Nicholas Tse is quite funny and comical in a very cute way...
especially the way he talks...
muahaha...

went home....
well, its been a long time sice i last wrote such a long entry....
or probably i never did...
now?
i'm gonna launch myself, both physically and mentality, into the universe of nothingness...
i'm drifting....
drifting......
and.... PoooF~!
i'm gone..............................................

是否我整个人生只不过是场春秋大梦？而梦境里才能唯一的真实世界？

woah....

2005-12-30T01:30:00.000-08:00

juz moved...
from Mt Pleasant Rd Police Academy to Old Choa Chu Kang Rd's new Home Team Academy....
kinda like the new place...
but well, its too much of transparency and feel very exposed...
very unlike our tracom girls' barrack...
very cosy and homely.... filled with warmth...
this new barrack feel so cold and empty... juz like a training ground...
well, all in all... i stil prefers the blk 21 girls barrack in Tracom....
having a long weekend... booking in only on tuesday morning 9am... :p
happy wor....

weekends are so precious...

2005-12-10T22:57:00.000-08:00

hm... yeah~!
passed my driving test on third attempt....
wish i could drive properly...
certainly wun wish to jeopardise my life and others on the road in future....

i did not booked out on friday this week... booked out on saturday noon...
supposed to be some barrack display duties...
ended up 'polishing' the floor of my bunk...
*in order not to mess up the tidied up bedsheets, we slept on the floor...*
rushed home to put my barang barang...
met up with alicia and jj and sisi at PS after tat...
jj bought a big huggable purple donkey*Ee-Yore*
den we delivered tat to fio's house with her...
went down to bugis again... shopped with alicia for her friend's bday gift...
den i accompanied alicia to ECP Costa Sands stayed for 20mins, den both of us went to parkway to meet kitman and han after work...
they had a mini squad gathering while i juz sat and stoned....
den i went to fisherman's village for a drink with han at 11 plus...
hehe....oh my goodness... u look so cute with ur face red red u noe..?
one word... irresistable....
muahaha.... reached home around 4am...
tat was my half a weekend...
quality time spent with person of significant importance to me....

spent my today's morning at civic's mac listening to eric and derrick tok abt mine and jj's policies...
now?? go cut hair lor.... :p

life? meaningful? meaningless... i know not...

2005-12-03T22:01:00.000-08:00

to whom it may concern...
i miss u... really... a little too much... a little too often...
but stil... i miss u... and it'll not change...

now, i'm waiting at home for reply to my dinner date...
stil waiting... since i woke up to this not-very-nice morning...
hm... not really pissed or anything... just surprised tat i actually had such patience...
hurhur....

listening to 动力火车的《想你是临睡的习惯》
alot of feelings flowing inside of me...
mixture ... good, bad, positive, negative, happy, confused...

i have got 47 more days before passing out and becoming a full-fledged officer...
i wish it shorter...
get out of that place...
tat kips mi from the outside...
from my familiars...
from my loved ones...
somehow... i dread leaving the place...
of memories...
tekaning... slacking... 'weight-lifting'.... 'daily praying'.... 'daily intake of oxygen'...
laughing... playing candles, sparklers, candles... water parade...
singing... talking... nua-ing...

however, no matter how much i miss the place....
i still dread booking in on sundays.... argh.... SHIT~!
TRACOM..... Here i come... *sob*

hm.....

2005-12-02T17:39:00.000-08:00

well, i know not what to say actually...
listening to the song Na Xie Hua Er by Fan Wei Qi rite now....
woke up to a rainy saturday morning...
quite nice for resting the whole day... but i cant, gotta go to Comfort Driving Centre to pay my driving fee... and hai... i failed the second attempt too...
sometimes, i really dunno whether is it just my luck or am i such a failure in all the things i do... even driving whereby seldom do people fail....
next wednesday is my 3rd time taking.... die die have to pass it...
but other than driving... all my stuffs passed...
exams... swimming... PDT.... Drill Test... even IPPT...
now... after passing driving is slacking times all over again...
:p

phew~!

2005-11-19T22:12:00.000-08:00

wad a day.... very tiring man....
early morning... woke up to a msg...
went to meet JJ to go to Comfort Driving Centre to pay 300plus....
hmph.... all becoz of i failed my driving on friday....
i'm so gonna burn all the red sports cars tat i see on the road....
saboh sia.... made me fail....
my hard-earned 血汗钱ar.....
after tat.... walked and walked and walked all around CDC juz to find the bus stop to take 151.... hm... made me even more exhausted...
accompanied jj to far east flora to buy the calla lily and sunflower....
went to good wood florist to arrange in bouquet...
met Michael.... had a nice chat...
saw ronald and valerie too...
they having attachment there...
somehow realised that i am not as young as innocent as i used to be....
btw, i ran into Jac and Thomas at admiralty Mac as well.... small world, ain't it?
sent the bouquet to the receiver's house...
but she's not home... nobody's home in fact... left it at the doorstep instead....
went to bugis to eat mango ice at ice monster...
next time i shall go with someone else.... :P
flew yanting's kite... went to woodlands library and borrowed 2 books using jj's card...
buddy... paiseh ar.... :[
den home.... aimless day i had i should say....

hmph....

2005-11-06T02:04:00.000-08:00

hm.... wad a day...
slept and nua-ed til rather late in bed before i went out..
met up with Dora, Guo Zhen, Mei See, Serene, Moses, Aizhi and the current Ann Nite Sub Comm... went to some condo with them... turned out slacking at the poolside...
after tat, went to West Mall... met up with Carmen wib Mei See...
went for dinner at the not-so-nice foodcourt... argh...
pending to tear the signboard apart from the La Mian stall...
ur Zhao Pai La Mian ish really not very Zhao Pai...
went to Sentosa in Carmen's car...
saw JJ and Fio....
went to Tanjong Beach to slack at the beach pub...
well, the ambience was super nice and the music was good for chilling out too...
hm... shall get my darlin to go with me next time...
:p

me, Mei See and Carmen slacked and talked alot...
nice to noe how everyone's getting on...
Carmen openly declared that i'm her spare tyre...
whenever she's declared single she'd call mi out...
when she's attached... gonna kick mi til who knows where...
thanks ar... Peng Yuu... kanasai...>P

hm... enough of updating abt my whereabouts...

well, one part of me hopes to jump outta the life that i'm going thru...
to be juz a bystander to observe... to see... to laugh at the stupidity of life..
just wad i like... to be an observer... why?
probably because i'm too lazy to react to anything...
life's probably not gonna be so kind as to give everybody a bed of rose to tread on...
why bother to be so worked up to anything...?
whether u like it or not...
whatever comes u'll just have to take it and twist it to whatever shape u fancy...

but then, another part of me hopes to remain where i am....
just be what i am now... am i happy with my present..?
i have absolutely no idea....
in fact, i haven't the slightest idea what exactly is happiness...
do i look happy? well, i guess i do...
because obviously people prefers to see a smiling me...
A reason to smile for myself... i cant find...
i need no help... nor anything else...
because i'm almost of non-existence...
no form... no nothin... just a simple word... Me...~!
that's wad i am....

here i am... gonna finish blogging... now...
shall go in quest of ME~!

hm...

2005-11-05T11:23:00.000-08:00

' Parting is such sweet sorrow...'
quoted from Shakespear as well as darlin ruohan.... haha...

well, yesterday was Passing out Ceremony for a senior squad whom we were exceptionally close to.... time for them to move on... from a Trainee... to whom they all aspired to be... Regular Police Officers... with authority comes responsibilities... do take care... be careful of whatever u gals do eh.... especially those in bunk 17.... kitman... joanna... alicia... ruohan... fio... my little finger aidiah... fanie(forgot to congrate u wor... i'm gonna be a Gan Die)

We gals from sq 37 purposely went back despite our block leave the day before... had a lotsa fun at barrack... sang countless times of Baa baa Kambing Hitam.... hehe... super lame...
den attended POC yesterday... it was not very sad... tink the feeling of losing them around us in our leftover days in training had not settled in yet.... but guess we'll feel it rather soon...
went for steamboat at marina south... was cool... din ate alot thou... den went arcade... erm... dunno wad i was doing... juz slacking around i guess...
den went for bowling... haha... as usual... i was the one who washed the long-kang clean clean...
afterwhich went for a session of pool....
super long day...

wad to put as my title?

2005-11-02T17:57:00.000-08:00

woah.... yesterday morning... accompanied jillian to the polyclinic and waited friggin 3 hrs just to see the doc for 5 mins... argh... i'm beginning to hate polyclinic... when i'm no longer a police i'll be an arsonist.... burn the polyclinic.... hmph... and yesh... jillian u definitely owe me a treat... abalone i wan... u too stingy nvm... ask ur boyfren... i helped him took care of u ok... >p

later in the afternoon... went to town to meet up with Doris, wendy and weilin... woah... its been a long time since i last saw of them... all getting on quite fine in life.... had Cartel for dinner... and went for movie after tat... the show was good sia... Exorcism of Emily Rose.... hair-standing at some point of time...

block leave started...

2005-10-31T23:14:00.000-08:00

yeah.... so so glad.... block leave started...
yesterday.... was a lovely day... went for breakfast at pasir ris white sands delifrance with ruohan... went for window shopping at guess where? NTUC... saw golden needle mushroom and suggested cooking up steamboat... using messtin... hahaha... its gonna be called huo xiao guo.... ok? not xiao huo guo... went to courts to buy my new earphone for my Zen... my ears too small for the normal earphone... always drop out de... but den... guess wad... tis new wan seems too small oso... argh... i'm always so proud of my small ears... now its such a pain in the neck...

left white sands for beach rd to meet JJ... pants altering for drill test which was postponed almost like last minute by that Pu bor.... took Cab back to Tracom after tat... boots polishing... bogged down by indigestion and stomach upset... argh... but heng recovered soon enough after 2 panadols..
hahha...

Ruohan brought sparklers and all of us played with my candles and lantern meant for mid-autumn festival last time... muahaha... lotsa fun..... kitman really long-winded... i mean literally long-winded... super big lung... haha.. the whole girls' barrack machiam Genting lidat... super smoky.. hahaha...

training hours nuthin worth mentioning...

after walk-out... went for dinner with Choo, Yvonne, Shann, Sisi, Alicia at Sakae Sushi...
gorged myself super full... i din look like i ate alot because i dun talk alot... juz occupied myself kapok-ing ppl's food... mauhaha... ate alot man... i din tot i still could eat so much man... hahaha

yupZ... tats abt all...
cheerS~!

hm.... wad to say?

2005-10-30T01:04:00.000-08:00

yeAh~! block leave starting very soon.... muahaha....
2 weeks of nua-ng in the universe of nothingness....
kinda excited.... not tat i really hate training tat much... but juz feeling real glad that i finslly have some time to myself.... to do the things tat i wan to do... or rather, to not to do anythings like i'd always wanted to...
i guess i'm just plain lazy to do anything in this world....
but, anyways, who cares...
yesternite, went to changi village with fio, jj and fio's fren, yan shan.... talked abit, most of the time i'm just in the stoning mode... din wan to spoil the very quietness and serenity.... went on a spin in the Hyundai Getz fio rented... most of the time i'm just stoning and sleeping in it thou... went to see bapok... woah... damned impressive i can say....
went to East Coast to buy breakfast and went on to Mt Faber for sunrise to go along with the breakfast.... :p not so much of romantic nite... at least not for mi, cause the one i'm missing is not around ba... :p

went to school purposely to see the Tasic17 members.... while they were having their knots and lashing lesson... funny sia... see me like alien lidat... i was sitting alone in the clubhouse with the door closed when they finished their lesson, none of them dared to open the clubhouse door to take their bags, guess its due to my presence.... i ignored and continue my stoning... until the current instructors opened the door and was so puzzled that they did not open the door despite it being unlocked... hahhaa... well, tink its not funny by the way i'm describing it... my "england' not 'powderful' lah....

went to Cineleisure for dinner with Dora, Serene, Vinc, Carmen, Denise, Haw, Moses, Lyn and Aizhi... laughed a great deal... joked a lot, nua-ed alot... and proceeded home... tis is my ideal day... no worries... nuthin serious happening...

alright... gotta go... ciaoZ...

-_-'''''

2005-10-22T22:28:00.000-07:00

hm... its been ages since i last blogged...
well, my com is abit cranky in the first place...
also, i dun see a point in keep updating abt the training times... its juz the same old tings all over again... dun wan to kip reminding myself of the sad and unhappy things that happened... not that only bad thngs happened, but becoz one usually remember bad and negative things more clearly... argh... i dun even noe wad am i saying..
friday, booked out and had dinner with fio, jj and ruohan, went to arcade after that.... sent ruohan to the mrt station den went home...
yesterday, went to CDC for driving in the morning... argh... 4 hrs straight... damn shagged... heng neber langa... den went with jj, sisi, choo and yvonne to bugis, bought a small side pouch and dora's present.... vinc's place next...
stupid him... fly my kite... i went alone to parkway parade to join them in dora's bday celebration.. poor dora... being forced to wear tat edible underwear..
but its really sick to see everyone going for tat edible undies afterwards.... my goodness...
den we all proceeded home... send dora to her doorstep before proceeding home...
i dunno y... but i feel u r abit troubled... mayb ur juz a bit tired.... take care eh... :p
den... i reached home with ruohan accompanying mi on the fone... thanks darlin...
yupz... - end of 22oct2005- boring hor?
haha....
today..>? nothin worth mentioning...
walking in... do miss mi my fren...

hey ho...

2005-07-29T22:49:00.000-07:00

back yesterday to my beloved home... beloved bed...
i realised i am no longer as home sick as in the beginning...
in fact i kinda hope there's no walk-out... wah... friggin sian and tiring to do so sia..
walk in the blardy cock walk-out attire...
white-shirt, police skirt... cock shoes... hmph...
wil change to my own clothes after walk-out once i reach the first public toilet the next time round...
haha... my uniform darn funny man... now that i think back...
when i wore full-u for classes, i feel like a nurse, my hands always in my blouse pocket... my peak cap looks like mushroom on my very round head... thus, my senior, Shan, called mi mushroom head... hm... quite true...
sad... how come i dun look smart in the uniform de....
whereas for JJ, she feels that she looks like paramedic... hahha... tats sad~! wear police uniform to look like pararmedic... wahaha...
sisi and shann and yvonne looks quite good in the uniform, except for choo choo... woah... she's the one looking the most professional, machiam SPF spokesperson sia... haha...
kept running and running for this week ... add together i ran more than 15 km this week.... excluding those distance we had to jog while we r in PT kit... not exactly shagged... i think the more i ran the more energetic i became... juz my shoulders doesn't feel like mine anymore... muahaha... but shiok.... my skirt and pants are becoming looser... so darn happy...
staying together is a very unique experience, especially if u dun even noe each other until the day u met and *ta da*...u r bunkmates...
i tink its gonna be easy if all just be more considerate and thinking...
but some people just cant keep the tantrums and AP to themselves... wad i can say is only.... ' hey, u r not already at home, i'm not ur mother to take care of u like she does, nor am i a vacumm cleaner to take wadever shit u gave me..." but... wad to do... i'll write it here only, not saying it to her personally... all for the thoughts that we r staying together for 6 months... because i'm thinking for u... i noe u'll be sad... wadeveri said, u'll probably take it 10 times worse... because u r too sensitive... i noe u wun be reading my blogs definitely, that's y i said it here... muahaha... and proceeding back on sunday to my hypocritical mask...

lotsa things have changed... i've changed... u've changed...
relations changed, friendship changed, nuthin can remain in the same way for as long as ever... but there's nuthin we can do to stop the change... but to accept it... i'll always believe god had laid a road for u... but its up to u to choose to walk it or to kip turning in rounds and circles... worst still, u back tracked....

In conclusion.... yap... there's no conclusion again...
i'll always find myself as confused as ever after thinking... next time i shall not be such a thinker...

ultimate suay week....

2005-07-22T18:34:00.000-07:00

well, back at home... happily...
this is my ultimate suay week.... and i told my bunkmate i'll tio beh pio next week... muz zhuan3 yun4.... hahaha... gotta console myself and pamper myself with a good rest man...
first suay thing, i fell down wearing the blardy skirt with the high-heeled court(cock?) shoes... nearly rolled down the stairs... but i was saved... i stil hurt both of my knees and big patches of blue-black blotch on my leg now... second suay thing... i went for Police Defence Tactics class and as i was removing my baton holster from my belt, my belt buckle came apart... gotta go QM to exchange new belt buckle... luckily, it's been resolved. the 3rd and most suay happening...as i finished my changing out of swimming attire and wanted to proceed to fall in... i fell down tripping over the ledge... i landed on my left ribs and i gather it shall take around a week time to fully recover from the pain... argh...
thus, yesterday's walk-out day, i returned with a big and small blisters...
big's as big as your thumb nail alrite..?
end of my updates... thank u for ur attention...
next week i shall strike lottery..... :p

life's a route full of diverts...

2005-07-15T06:38:00.000-07:00

hm... juz back from PA after a few days of training as a Police Officer...
it's realy not as tough as i imagined... although my body is aching all over trying to protest for being subjected to such torture after not being maintained for so long....
i think the 'slack' training were because of the bad weather... kips raining whenever we are supposed to have our PT... argh...
next Friday IPPT...shit man... so gonna fail it all....
looking forward most to my Unarmed Tactics Training next week... waohoo... nice FI i have... although we gals from the girls squad love to imitate her... power~! super fit... can run faster than guys... oh my goodness... look up to her man....

mindless....

2005-07-07T23:10:00.000-07:00

am i a optimistic pessimist or a pessimistic optimist...?
dun bother about me... i'm just blabbering about something that i dun understand about myself....
i think i'm going back to my shell that i used to carry....
i miss my closed, introverted, eccentric self...
back to being a hermit crab...

untitled....

2005-07-03T07:11:00.000-07:00

update?
muahaha...
nuthin much to write thou...
went to mt ophir... or gunung ledang...
it was friggin tired for mi...
i told sisi on the bus... this 2 days trekking...
the amount of exercise is like more than a total of wad i've had for the past 2 months...
argh... really felt like giving up at some point of time...
therefore, i felt damned demoralised...
my physical strength really slacked far too much for myself to accept...
training... i need some real training...
i couldn't nearly believed it when i had the thought of giving up even before i reached the base camp...
its like so 'not-me'...
thus, my morale was really low... still thinking of Gunung Tahan... Kota Kinabalu....
how to do it like that?
suddenly, i missed the Kili Trainings at Bukit Timah hill...
the Jungle fall Trek... haiz...
dear all who went with me, should u feel that my attitude or face was too black to be me... please don't be misunderstood...
i was just pissed with myself...
hai... full of guilt and so crossed with myself...
i now realised that all my previous trainings has all gone down to drain...
i hate to feel so small... i always knew i'm not fitter than the rest...
but i didn't realised i was the most unfit... until then...
argh...

regrets.... no longer...

2005-06-26T20:27:00.000-07:00

yesterday was nice and cool...
went out with sisi, poh seng, juraimi, syawal yesterday...
ultimate aim was achly to get some advice on me and sisi's enlist into police from juraimi...
walked slacked talked.... was cool...
passed by Esplanade and were attracted to some really beautiful voices of a band playing at the outdoor theatre...
woah... he really sounded like Maroon 5 man...
well, i've been affected by my times in Song Composing Club that i really learnt to appreciate beautiful voices...
at first thought his English is really good as he's a Filipino...
but then, later i tink he stopped slanging.... sounded more real instead...
haha... got bored... walked to Clarke Quay... sent Syawal to the MRT station... still didn't want to go home... went to Chevron's in Jurong(din noe if i spelt it rite even)....because Poh Seng said its cheap... ended up... really cheap lor... 3 person only $7.70... haha... listened to alot of CMI singing... Poh Seng... u r not that bad after all....
today... going to PacWest to get ma pay and after that going back school for some jogging i guess.... that's all folks...
i have no more regrets... going into the Police Force...
i'm a to-be Regular...

untitled.....

2005-06-25T20:13:00.000-07:00

A follower.... Yes! that's the word...
I want to be a leader, I have to be a leader at times...
why cant i?
A shadow, I am...
A follower, I am...
Why have i lost my instinct to take initiative anymore...?
it's bothering me, much too often....
so often a rate that I'm fearful...
Have I lost my value of existence...?
Do i still carry my confidence anymore?
i do not know....
i'm trying to pick myself up again...
Trying to prove to myself that i, stil, am what i used to be...
Confidence, a word that seems simple, but i've lost it to don't know where..
i realised i've became a person of lesser words, because i'm constantly thinking....
Searching for myself.... Yes, i am...

hm....

2005-06-24T08:23:00.000-07:00

Learning to love again after experiencing pain, is like learning to appreciate d rainbow after the rain....

i dunno why but just feel like adding this line in my post...
nuthin much to update on today... tats all folks...

jazz....

2005-06-21T21:12:00.000-07:00

i missed those days of slacking whereby u can just sit and do nuthin...
like wad i always tell my friend last time... i'm an aspiring mi chong...(rice weevil) juz throw mi in the rice bucket and i'll survive...

now, i can foresee these kinda life in front of me...
yesterday, was with jel and weiyi... we went for clementi's sesame chicken... woah... damned nice can... following which, we went to have coffee at this coffee house beside the japanese retaurant at the clementi $5 cinema there...
that guy was real friendly and warm... almost sounded like a salesman in the beginning...
the music was cool... my favourite chilling out type... jazz...
my drink even more cool... mine was expresso with irish cream...
jel and weiyi was raining mocha... hahha... guess the difference between mocha and raining mocha...
shall visit that place again....

RAIN...

2005-06-20T19:41:00.000-07:00

woah... there was a really heavy rain back in Pahang last nite...
a series of unfortunate events with a happy ending... which is... me.. happily back home...
i was supposed to reach at the bus terminal to take a coach home... at 10.15pm last nite... with Arepex, who's supposed to take a bus back to Ipoh too... his bus is at 11pm... but because he disappeared dunno where.. me and Ah Tan waited for him til 9.30 while the friggin' bus terminal is around 1 and a half hr drive away... therefore i was late... din managed to catch my bus... but he happily boarded his bus... hmph...
den rushed back to Jerantut in the hope of getting a spare ticket from Brenda who's with another group to take train back to Singapore... but don't have... the tickets she had were just nice... no excess... thus, me and Ah Tan rushed to the train station to buy ticket... luckily, there's stil tickets... but while parking his van... one of his front wheel went into the small drain and was stuck until 3 guys came along to help him out to lift the van off the hole and he continue to drive... but both of us were already drenched inside out... poor him... because of me... if not, he would have been home to rest for the nite liao... gotten the train ticket... boarded the train... last unfortunate event, it was so friggin cold... and made worse with rainy weather plus wet clothings... even my jacket was wet... tahan the coldness for the whole nite until my jacket and my clothings got blew dry by the air-con.. arh.... chhoooo.... buaiZ>..
haha... not tat unfortunate after all...
just minor unfortunate events... :P

erm... hm... dunno wad title to put...

2005-06-12T10:56:00.000-07:00

heeZ... had a great time today...
basically, i just slacked at home til omost 4pm before i went out... coz i ask my TAS buddies to go town and la kopi... *stir coffee* all fly kite... argh... except Denise... hahaha... cool man... i love starbucks always... dun u find the name Frappucino damned appealing, simply seductive...? well, if u dun.... i do... who cares anyways...? rotted a great deal... talked a lot... i dunno how come we never ran out of topic eh? just laughed and laughed and lame together... dun say i lame k..? later really bai kar.... anyways, u din lose to me lor... equally lame... you3 de2 fight can...? muahaha... whoever... next time dun fly my kite ar... i've got not much time left... fly my kite chop u into a million pieces... hahahaa....
but therefore... to conclude, there's stil no conclusion....
my life havent end conclude wad man..>?

back...

2005-06-11T06:55:00.000-07:00

i really missed home alot...
especially my bed and my computer...
but i really did enjoyed myself...
learnt alot... from francis, wati, arepex, sisi... haha...
slept in hammock... 4 storeys, me at the bottom, followed by wati, sis and topmost arepex... cool...~! me and wati came back first, sisi went off with francis and arepex to perak... another camp... hehe...
i missed someone very much... but, well... i should learn to let it be...
haha... moses told me dun tink so much of relationship... hehe...
think he meant it as a casual remark.... but hey, bro... u hit the bulleye...
shan't update about the trip anymore... my fingers are tired from all those typing... wanna find out more....? get to me presonally... dun wanna find out...? stil can contact me to la kopi k..? :p

points to ponder...

2005-06-04T21:30:00.000-07:00

death... its a heavy word...
just read an entry about the point of view of death while blog-hopping...
hm... made me think quite abit...
i think i'm really not afraid to die... and in fact, i'm looking forward to it...
i don't really care whether i die painfully or peacefully... most importantly, dun let me be a burden and bother others....
do i look like a pessimist? haha... that's me behind the Mask tat i constantly wear...
i think i've absolutely no contribution to this world.... nor to my friends...
some of the advices that i gave to my friends... as i think back... i realised i cant even do it myself...
i hate the mask i'm wearing.... i wan to be the real ME... but... i havent found what am i...
sad ain't it... i constantly think of myself as a hypocrite.... i dun wanna be like that... i dun wanna smile when i don't feel like it... i dun wanna say words to humour people although its someone i dun like.... argh... i dun wanna die a life of regret... not knowing what kind of person i am even til the moment i'm to die... this are the emotions a single word 'DEATH' can evoke in me...
don't judge a book by its cover.... dun think i'm that jovial even though i make people laugh like nobody's business...
i wish i die earlier than all the people whom i love... if i can choose... i wish to die for them...
i noe a normal human with normal thinking will not wan to die... since i dun mind dying... can i die for them....? i don't think i'm prone to suicide.... i'll not wan to die for no reasons... that's y i'm stil here... i always kept all these to myself... once, i revealed this to a friend of mine and she told me... ur parents will be upset to hear this... i'm just thinking, probably its just my mum and brothers and sister.... definitely not my father... please dun judge and tell me i'm biased against my father upon seeing this... unless u noe my story...
i started to think this way when a friend of mine died a few years back due to leukemia... i was very much affected... though it was not shown... she wasn't very close to me even.... but, i really wanted to die for her... i'm so sad she had to leave this world... i bet she has lots to fulfil but due to her sickness... she was unable to.... for me, i have none... i'm almost left with nothing... liabilities i have... sorry... if i'm unable to pay back til the day i die.... people will be sad for me, i know... but, life goes on... it won't be long before people forget my existence...
i hope to sort out my thoughts by typing it out and reading it... but in the end, i realised, my thoughts are even messier than before... thus, left me with a teardrop in my eyes...
once again....
to conclude, there's no conclusion....

muahaha.... life's cool...

2005-06-04T09:05:00.000-07:00

hm... peepZ... missed mi?
i'm just back from Pahang just 2 hours ago...
went for a trip with PacWest( Pac West?) since 1st of June...
experienced a lot of things... learnt how to do abseiling... learnt about top belaying... all thanks to my very experienced partner... Wati... u r cool...~! especially ur Beckham hairstyle...
most importantly, fulfilled a dream that i had long wanted to.... Cave Exploring... its damned cool... tell u what... the teachers didn't achly realised i'm totally without prior training or briefing even... all thanks to my previous trekking experiences with TAS that i'm able to do that... same goes for Sisi too... both of us were so glad we gotta go like FREE... while others pay a bomb...
muahaha... taking care of the kids was like council days whereby we looked after members... nice...
tomorrow's train at 8plus and i'll be gone again... miss mi somemore ar... :p

woah.... wad a day....~!

2005-05-31T10:10:00.000-07:00

today, ended my work at the BQ korea and i'm surely gonna miss my fellow colleagues over there... hee... the 3 of us are all going into government service.... me in the police force, Jae... our next-time-kenna-chi-dou-fu arts teacher.... and steven, 2 more days of life as a civilian... haha... sure to meet up kaye peepZ... and thanks jae for ur lovely 'love-letter' wil kip it til.... erm... til it starts to disintegrate i guess...
thanks Steven for ur last treat of Milo Dinosaur... Eski Bar some day k...?
after that, went down to Pac West to get some stuffs settled... gotten a Kinabalu Tee although i've neber been there... yeah~!
went to Clementi to watch movie with my TAS peeps.... Madagascar.... argh....
Dora Tay... i wan my refund.... haha... okie lar... damned lame.... no storyline... but i did managed to laugh at certain parts... but peepZ... be sure to watch 'Monsters-in-law' with me okieZ...
haha... den went to nua a bit.... yar... i've gotta mention, the show costed only $5... haha... so its stil quite alrite...
Nua outside the Mac there... talked crap... and all of us went home....
wah... but the 184 me and Dora was waiting for was so friggin long we decided to walk...
(eh... dora... u r cursed sia... everytime take bus with ya sure kenna somethin wan... hai...)
walked.... all the way from Clementi MRT to SIM den we stopped... argh... real long... but very shiok... coz its been a long time since i last walk this kinda distance.... *leisurely*
i stil wan my Zen Micro.... argh... everybody's gotten theirs... where's mine... anyone keen to donate to the 'Save-The-Dawn Fund'? hao xin you hao bao.... :P

hm... WTH...

2005-05-28T21:59:00.000-07:00

its a gloomy day... therefore left me in a rather gloomy mood...
argh... but the friggin TV is like playing some very exciting games show...
i'm not in the mood to watch... thus all the cheering and jeering sounded very irritating to me...
havent had a day of rest since last monday... and well, today ain't gonna be a rest day for me too... gotta go and work later... went for a camp on thursday and Friday... was cool... got to noe alot of ppl as well as learnt some of the more effective ways to kip kids from misbehaving... yupz, btw, i'm a freelance camp instructor... heeZ...
alrite peepz... there isn't much purpose for this entry... i'm just trying to rant somethin tat has been contained in me... to prevent dying of boredom... i just cant stand a routine life... i need changes...
to conclude... there's no conclusion....

sentimental....

2005-05-23T21:40:00.000-07:00

yupz... i must truly admit i'm a really sentimental person...
so much to the extend that i'm almost impractical sometimes...
but who can help it..? when wads left is only memories and some small small degradable stuffs...
yesterday night, slept over at siow haw's place after work with mei see, sisi and some of the 30th councils... pillow fight... hm... not exactly, is all of us attack jieling achly... :p
this morning went to school to 'help' them spring clean the clubhouse... but all i achly did was to sit and slack most of the times... hm... using a phrase that boon taught me yesterday... i balonglong all da way... hahha...
the clubhouse is a place filled with memories... hm... at least it applies to me...
i had lotsa fun and laughters, lotsa brain cracking planning of events, lotsa pillow and cushion fights.... lotsa nuaing sessions in the clubhouse with my fellow 29th councils....
now, its for a new batch of councils to take over and although glad to see that these members of mine grew a great deal to be aspiring individuals.... one can almost felt the sadness and heaviness that its time for me to leave it to them and just become an onlooker...
hm... life goes on... this is a pattern that applies to all and similar situations occurs almost often enough... but.... but wat..? i dunno.... just feels that there has to be a but... following which, i havent even figure out my own thoughts...

hm... wad to do...? wad to say...? abit lost....

2005-05-20T08:29:00.000-07:00

yeh... from the title of this entry.... its exactly what i'm feeling at this moment...
i expected the letter to come already....
people tells me i should be happy about it...
i know i should be happy about it... but i just dun feel that way...
that's why i'm in such a dilema...
its a career... it could be just 2 years of zombie perfect life and then quit to see what else i'd like to do...
or a lifetime of commited crimefighter... or... what?
i don't know...
by the way, if u, being the reader of my blog, had no idea of what i'm trying to say...
erm... i've just received my letter of appointment from the Singapore Police Force...
i do get to choose... but i'm afraid when the time comes to choose... i'll be too used to the unchanged momentum of life that i forget about my dreams...
We always claimed to say that we live our life and will not be affected by others' unconstructive comments... but well, who won't...
hm... just let it be... 'life has its plans for me already'... this is what i learnt from jel yesterday...

my day....

2005-05-19T09:18:00.000-07:00

I think my day is getting pretty routine... i hate it...
work at 10.30am... luckily now i'm no longer working the split nite shift...
went to beach Rd army market with Jel today to get some of the stuffs i need...
hm... must really go earlier... if not, i'd have spent all my money eating all those junks again...
ate quite alot of junks today... but not as much as Jel definitely...
skinny chicken wing with a piece of feather.... what luck u have man.... hahaha...
takopachi... mixed vegetable rice... ice cream... mos burger... wow.... now i suddenly realise wad big appetite she has... stil say sick... other than the running nose... nothing on you shows that you are sick lar.... haha....
gotten my Nalgene... Firefly Yellow... hey... i wan my stickers... u promised...
gotten barsha bag.... orange color.....
mosquito net... haha... such a good day.... but freak...
walked in the rain all da way from Bugis to Orchard sia....

life isn't a bed of rose...

2005-05-17T08:10:00.000-07:00

be it good or bad.... be it happy or sad...
we stil have to learn to accept life as it is...
the day before is always more exciting than the current...
so how?
sad... ain't it? therefore... just accept lor... what to do...
alot of things in life is not within control... the earth dun spin in the direction u wans it to...
its got its own rules and regulations to follow...
so what we can do is to pretend that whatever we do is capable of changing the world... the reason why it's stil the way it is, is because not enough people are doing it together... when alot of people join in and do together... and still, things doesn't change much... all we bother to say was... it's too late to realise our mistakes and takes too long to buck up and do together...
argh.... so... whatever we do isn't gonna change anything... ain't it?
but... why do we bother to continue instead of plunging into the endless pit of 'lostness' and helplessness? ah hah .... tat's the thing i like about being human.... we challenge and believe ourselves... never say die... one day, we might succeed... who knows...? If we dun try... we don't know... if we try... we prove our values... even if we failed... at least i'm stil accountable to my own conscience... heeZ... loves this world of contradicting, self-righteous, ambiguous, incorrigible... yet... cute, adorable, self-believing, confident creatures known as Human Beings (Homo sapien)....

i'm walking on sunshine........

2005-05-16T07:41:00.000-07:00

went with sisi to Pac West after work to know more about my trips with pac west next month...
cool... very packed...14 days gonna be outta singapore to pahang and taman negara...
woah... damned excited now...
gonna ride on train the first time... try abseiling for da first time...
cave exploring for the first time... rafting for the first time...
after looking at my schedule.... i let out a deep breath...
luckily i am still able to go for the first trip... muahaha...
Mmmm.... make the best outta my trips yeh.... :P

and oh yeah... forgotten to add... i've bought a pair of dumbells and handgrips...
gotta start to train up again... think i've slacked too much for the past few months...
my aim.... shed 5kgs in 2 weeks.... if not.... at the very least.... 'look' as if i did...
my dear friends... do help me along yeh... :p
dun gorge me with food... haha....
i don't know how am i gonna sleep tonite... still feeling very thrilled... haha...

life's like a puddle of stagnant water...

2005-05-14T04:48:00.000-07:00

nuthin much in life to achieve....
or should i sae... nuthin achieveable is within my reach...
i wan more adventure in life...
i wan more colors... i shall continue to pursue my dreams...
hm... it seems like everyone's dream to backpack around Southeast Asia...
but mine...? i shall make it more special... it'll be a budget and walking type...
who's keen on it? let mi noe..?
but gotta wait for mi...
anyone wanna donate to the 'SAVE THE DAWN' fund....?
working now back to my lao ben hang.... restaurant waitress...
hm... luckily its only til the end of this month....
hope no mosquito start to breed on this puddle of stagnant water....

ex-council....

2005-04-18T20:31:00.000-07:00

hm... i have yet to return my clubhouse key sia...
now tat councilship's ended.... officially an ex-council liaoZ...
heeZ... abit nua... looking for a job... argh... but very lazy neh...
hm...
life's is like a quest....
questing for?? that's the big question...
hm.... but rite now... better quest for a job first...
any lobang find me ar... thanks all..
hehe...

last day....

2005-04-10T05:58:00.000-07:00

hm.... juz ended AOS...
now at home... chatted a bit bit about nuthin in particular with my TAS peepZ at KAP juz now....
hm... having really mixed feelings about this transition of my life....
on one hand... really happy that i'm finally 'graduating' and passing up my homework as a council for TAS and instructor for TASIC...
on the other hand... really cant bear to end it so fast...
we've been thru quite a bit to be able to stand at where we are at this moment...
i know that tomorrow's CSM is the last chance for us, the 29th council to get together and organise an event... after which, we'll go our separate ways to 'get on with our life'...
some says its not the end... we'll get together.... but mayb not...
haiZ.... guess life is just like that...
only when u let go will you then be able to realise what's most precious to u...
what's most important is probably not the outcome or whatsoever...
but the memories of doing it with your loved ones....
TAS 29th council.... love you guys...
hope more ppl is going to the stong trip.... :P

haiZ... tooPig rachel... ask mi come online to receive photo abt tat day moses farewell dinner but she nowhere to be seen... hm... thus... this the second time of the day that i blogged...
argh... really nuthin to do sia...
hm... my friggin com sound got problem therefore left me in a 'music-less' world... hmph...
the songs that i downloaded also seems to serve no purpose... argh...
my Zen Micro... lime green one... wait for mi... i'm coming soon... when i've got the money...

hm... resurrection....

2005-04-07T21:21:00.000-07:00

heeZ... weiyi said my blog ish dying... so i shall update it rite now...
finally ended my sucky attachment last week... finished my presentation..
so rite now, at this moment...
i'm gonna wait for results as in do i achly graduate... ;P
went for D and D at Grand Hyatt... woah... spent a great deals... haiz...
making myself up to be someone whom i'm not.... wad for...??
haha... for fun and laughter lor...
now my eyebrow looks of an awkward shape...
but met up with loads of ppl whom i've known since i joined the school...
seen Lyn with the Chicken head... Denise pretty... Vincent as to-be-Mr. LSCT....
its a marvel how times sometimes feel like its crawling but its moving fast enough for u to realise after a while that.... OMG.... i'm older now...
haha... the chapter of Resurrection of my BLog ends here...
shall update again another day....

today....

2005-01-01T03:43:00.000-08:00

hm.... the very first day of the year 2005...
last nite, had a countdown bbq at east coast park....
enjoyed alot, but feel damned guilty as well....
to tink we were stil having a great time despite the fact that a lot of other ppl had lost their loved ones and their home....haiZ..... went back to skool to wash stores after tat....
den went for breafast at KAP Mac... after tat went home and slept til 4pm...
tats how i welcomed the first day of theyear 2005...
feel damned gloomy the whole day.... izzit the rain or izzit just mi....
met up with wendy and weilin 2 days ago and complained about my attachment the whole time...
wendy told mi to look on the brighter side....
trying hard to.... hm.... just removed the [Alt] key from muai keyboard to prevent my spacebar from jamming....
Looking back...
YEAr 2004....
it has been a fruitful yr for mi...
learnt alot, about priorities, about having dreams, about dealing with different situations, about loving the people around, about having fun against all odds.... most importantly, about facing myself....
the biggest impact shall be the most recent tsunami....
i realised that in the yr 2005, i am turning 20.... if i ever live to the age of 60,
i've oreadi spent a third of my life....
but.... what if i were to die tomorrow?
dear the-specific-person.... (if u happen to read this)
i just want u to noe how i feel... not trying to stun u or do anything else....
mayb u dun feel anything, so be it...
den let just remain as friends, but please dun avoid me....
i dun wanna lose a great fren juz like dat....

bye year 2004..... welcome year 2005.... cheers~!

day at work...

2004-12-23T03:54:00.000-08:00

my boss achly got down to watering too wor..
tats somethin super interesting to mi i tink...
my life is full of crap at this moment.... so much thing i wanna do...
but not within my capability... haiZ...
yesterday went down to GL training... surprisingly i saw so many people there too...
wanhua, eugene, gavian, weiliang, qiurong, frank, mahathir....
hmph... suddenly feel so old... :(
it feels like just yesterday tat i joined the LSCT GL big family and now here i am on my way to graduation....
time is like a flying arrow...(translated to chinese mayb wunt be tat weird.... bleah :p)
thinking of failing attachment to continue another year in school.... but was scolded by so many pl for my silly tot.... (hahah...obviously....)
kayeZ.... tats all for today... and until i next log on...
ciaoZ....