regrets.... no longer...
yesterday was nice and cool...went out with sisi, poh seng, juraimi, syawal yesterday...ultimate aim was achly to get some advice on me and sisi's enlist into police from juraimi...walked slacked talked.... was cool...passed by Esplanade and were attracted to some really beautiful voices of a band playing at the outdoor theatre...woah... he really sounded like Maroon 5 man...well, i've been affected by my times in Song Composing Club that i really learnt to appreciate beautiful voices...at first thought his English is really good as he's a Filipino...but then, later i tink he stopped slanging.... sounded more real instead...haha... got bored... walked to Clarke Quay... sent Syawal to the MRT station... still didn't want to go home... went to Chevron's in Jurong(din noe if i spelt it rite even)....because Poh Seng said its cheap... ended up... really cheap lor... 3 person only $7.70... haha... listened to alot of CMI singing... Poh Seng... u r not that bad after all....today... going to PacWest to get ma pay and after that going back school for some jogging i guess.... that's all folks...i have no more regrets... going into the Police Force...i'm a to-be Regular...
untitled.....
A follower.... Yes! that's the word...I want to be a leader, I have to be a leader at times...why cant i?A shadow, I am...A follower, I am...Why have i lost my instinct to take initiative anymore...?it's bothering me, much too often....so often a rate that I'm fearful...Have I lost my value of existence...?Do i still carry my confidence anymore?i do not know....i'm trying to pick myself up again...Trying to prove to myself that i, stil, am what i used to be...Confidence, a word that seems simple, but i've lost it to don't know where..i realised i've became a person of lesser words, because i'm constantly thinking....Searching for myself.... Yes, i am...
hm....
Learning to love again after experiencing pain, is like learning to appreciate d rainbow after the rain....i dunno why but just feel like adding this line in my post... nuthin much to update on today... tats all folks...
jazz....
i missed those days of slacking whereby u can just sit and do nuthin...like wad i always tell my friend last time... i'm an aspiring mi chong...(rice weevil) juz throw mi in the rice bucket and i'll survive... now, i can foresee these kinda life in front of me...yesterday, was with jel and weiyi... we went for clementi's sesame chicken... woah... damned nice can... following which, we went to have coffee at this coffee house beside the japanese retaurant at the clementi $5 cinema there... that guy was real friendly and warm... almost sounded like a salesman in the beginning... the music was cool... my favourite chilling out type... jazz...my drink even more cool... mine was expresso with irish cream...jel and weiyi was raining mocha... hahha... guess the difference between mocha and raining mocha... shall visit that place again....
RAIN...
woah... there was a really heavy rain back in Pahang last nite...a series of unfortunate events with a happy ending... which is... me.. happily back home...i was supposed to reach at the bus terminal to take a coach home... at 10.15pm last nite... with Arepex, who's supposed to take a bus back to Ipoh too... his bus is at 11pm... but because he disappeared dunno where.. me and Ah Tan waited for him til 9.30 while the friggin' bus terminal is around 1 and a half hr drive away... therefore i was late... din managed to catch my bus... but he happily boarded his bus... hmph...den rushed back to Jerantut in the hope of getting a spare ticket from Brenda who's with another group to take train back to Singapore... but don't have... the tickets she had were just nice... no excess... thus, me and Ah Tan rushed to the train station to buy ticket... luckily, there's stil tickets... but while parking his van... one of his front wheel went into the small drain and was stuck until 3 guys came along to help him out to lift the van off the hole and he continue to drive... but both of us were already drenched inside out... poor him... because of me... if not, he would have been home to rest for the nite liao... gotten the train ticket... boarded the train... last unfortunate event, it was so friggin cold... and made worse with rainy weather plus wet clothings... even my jacket was wet... tahan the coldness for the whole nite until my jacket and my clothings got blew dry by the air-con.. arh.... chhoooo.... buaiZ>..haha... not tat unfortunate after all...just minor unfortunate events... :P
erm... hm... dunno wad title to put...
heeZ... had a great time today...basically, i just slacked at home til omost 4pm before i went out... coz i ask my TAS buddies to go town and la kopi... *stir coffee* all fly kite... argh... except Denise... hahaha... cool man... i love starbucks always... dun u find the name Frappucino damned appealing, simply seductive...? well, if u dun.... i do... who cares anyways...? rotted a great deal... talked a lot... i dunno how come we never ran out of topic eh? just laughed and laughed and lame together... dun say i lame k..? later really bai kar.... anyways, u din lose to me lor... equally lame... you3 de2 fight can...? muahaha... whoever... next time dun fly my kite ar... i've got not much time left... fly my kite chop u into a million pieces... hahahaa.... but therefore... to conclude, there's stil no conclusion.... my life havent end conclude wad man..>?
back...
i really missed home alot...especially my bed and my computer...but i really did enjoyed myself...learnt alot... from francis, wati, arepex, sisi... haha...slept in hammock... 4 storeys, me at the bottom, followed by wati, sis and topmost arepex... cool...~! me and wati came back first, sisi went off with francis and arepex to perak... another camp... hehe...i missed someone very much... but, well... i should learn to let it be...haha... moses told me dun tink so much of relationship... hehe...think he meant it as a casual remark.... but hey, bro... u hit the bulleye...shan't update about the trip anymore... my fingers are tired from all those typing... wanna find out more....? get to me presonally... dun wanna find out...? stil can contact me to la kopi k..? :p
points to ponder...
death... its a heavy word...just read an entry about the point of view of death while blog-hopping...hm... made me think quite abit...i think i'm really not afraid to die... and in fact, i'm looking forward to it...i don't really care whether i die painfully or peacefully... most importantly, dun let me be a burden and bother others.... do i look like a pessimist? haha... that's me behind the Mask tat i constantly wear...i think i've absolutely no contribution to this world.... nor to my friends...some of the advices that i gave to my friends... as i think back... i realised i cant even do it myself...i hate the mask i'm wearing.... i wan to be the real ME... but... i havent found what am i...sad ain't it... i constantly think of myself as a hypocrite.... i dun wanna be like that... i dun wanna smile when i don't feel like it... i dun wanna say words to humour people although its someone i dun like.... argh... i dun wanna die a life of regret... not knowing what kind of person i am even til the moment i'm to die... this are the emotions a single word 'DEATH' can evoke in me...don't judge a book by its cover.... dun think i'm that jovial even though i make people laugh like nobody's business...i wish i die earlier than all the people whom i love... if i can choose... i wish to die for them...i noe a normal human with normal thinking will not wan to die... since i dun mind dying... can i die for them....? i don't think i'm prone to suicide.... i'll not wan to die for no reasons... that's y i'm stil here... i always kept all these to myself... once, i revealed this to a friend of mine and she told me... ur parents will be upset to hear this... i'm just thinking, probably its just my mum and brothers and sister.... definitely not my father... please dun judge and tell me i'm biased against my father upon seeing this... unless u noe my story... i started to think this way when a friend of mine died a few years back due to leukemia... i was very much affected... though it was not shown... she wasn't very close to me even.... but, i really wanted to die for her... i'm so sad she had to leave this world... i bet she has lots to fulfil but due to her sickness... she was unable to.... for me, i have none... i'm almost left with nothing... liabilities i have... sorry... if i'm unable to pay back til the day i die.... people will be sad for me, i know... but, life goes on... it won't be long before people forget my existence...i hope to sort out my thoughts by typing it out and reading it... but in the end, i realised, my thoughts are even messier than before... thus, left me with a teardrop in my eyes...once again....to conclude, there's no conclusion....
muahaha.... life's cool...
hm... peepZ... missed mi?i'm just back from Pahang just 2 hours ago...went for a trip with PacWest( Pac West?) since 1st of June...experienced a lot of things... learnt how to do abseiling... learnt about top belaying... all thanks to my very experienced partner... Wati... u r cool...~! especially ur Beckham hairstyle...most importantly, fulfilled a dream that i had long wanted to.... Cave Exploring... its damned cool... tell u what... the teachers didn't achly realised i'm totally without prior training or briefing even... all thanks to my previous trekking experiences with TAS that i'm able to do that... same goes for Sisi too... both of us were so glad we gotta go like FREE... while others pay a bomb...muahaha... taking care of the kids was like council days whereby we looked after members... nice...tomorrow's train at 8plus and i'll be gone again... miss mi somemore ar... :p
